Dating and Dickpics: Episode 14

Yeah, I thought Episode 13 would be the last one for a while too.

 

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Disappointed

As you’re reading this, you probably guessed that my last relationship didn’t work out. There were no hard feelings at the end of it but it was disappointing, to say the least. I did learn some important lessons from it though.

  • I didn’t realise until that relationship that finances are very important to me. My significant other needs to earn as much as me or more and they can’t hold back when it comes to spending but at the same time, they shouldn’t waste money. I feel like we fought about money a lot because I’m a generous person and he was rather frugal.
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I love money

  • I really shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. I can make some compromises but I shouldn’t make so many that I find myself defending my significant other to my friends and family because they think I can do better. It got to the point where I was just tired of defending him after a while.
  • I need someone who is really bloody romantic. I want to feel like a queen every damn day I’m with someone. Of course, life gets in the way and they may have their off days, but they better value me.
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You better be doing cute stuff like this or you can get lost

  • I’m stronger than I think and I keep true to my words. I said I’d leave if things didn’t improve and that’s exactly what I did. I cried for a day, picked myself up and moved on.
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I am a queen

I can’t be too harsh on him. He wasn’t ready for a relationship; entering something like that takes a lot of maturity and dedication and I don’t think the timing was right for him. He’s got a lot going on. Also…we were just too different. At first it’s what I really liked, but those differences soon became sources of anger and frustration for me.

So I’m back on the dating scene again! I downloaded all sorts of dating apps all over again but I’ve not had a lot of luck. I guess a lot of men on there can’t handle a woman who knows what she wants and want more than one night. However, it’s not all doom and gloom! I did match with one guy whom I’m getting along quite well with. We both work in media so obviously, we spent the first few messages fangirling over our day jobs. I’m not sure if there’s a spark there as we’ve only conversed via text, but I’ve definitely made a new friend if nothing else.

With help from my best friend (love you!), I did something I never usually do: gave out my number in a club. In all fairness, the guy is really cute and we’ve been messaging, thus proving that sometimes, it really is worthwhile to take a risk.

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Always on my phone

I think the biggest news is that I really like one person in particular. I’ve known him for a few months and he’s bloody lovely. Honestly, he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. We get on really well. Does he like me? No idea. I’ve spoken to a few people about it and they all think that, from what I’ve said, he does. I’ve even kept receipts and pulled them up on my phone to show my best friends and they seem to be convinced he does. I don’t know, I guess we’ll have to watch this space!

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Me whenever my crush texts me

Other than that, nothing is new. I’m making the most of the summer and going out regularly. I’m loving life at the moment — my new job is fantastic and I have the most incredible team (albeit there are only three of us). I’m doing what I love as my job and I couldn’t be happier.

Sex and Relationships: 1

Considering I am madly in love and in a healthy, stable relationship, I have decided to start a new column as a replacement for the beloved Dating and Dickpics. So welcome to the new column! Quite simply, this is going to be about sex and relationships. I’m more than happy to take questions or suggestions as to what I should write. You can either leave a question in the comments below the previous post or contact me on Facebook or Twitter if it is easier and I shall write about whatever you have suggested.

The idea for this column actually came from a friend who asked me a question a long time ago. I was going to go on Youtube to address it but writing is my forte so I chose to blog instead. The question? Well, that’s today’s subject.

Can you be a feminist and partake in BDSM?

In one word? Yes.

I understand the argument against it. BDSM is about someone being submissive and someone being dominant, so how can that be fair? Well, if it sexually pleases you, does it matter? So long as everyone involved is consenting and you put safe words in place, discuss what your hard limits are etc., it’s all good. And sometimes that means that, if you’re having hetereosexual sex, a woman will be dominated. But so long as she’s consenting and she wants to be a sub, where’s the harm in that? Sure, it might perpetuate the unhealthy myth that women have sex done to them and it’s something that happens to them but if it’s what they want, they should go for it. Many in the BDSM community argue that it is actually the sub who has all of the power because they can say what they will not do, what’s too much for them and such so in a sense, they dictate what happens, how much of it happens and when it stops. And if you’re with someone who doesn’t respect the rules, you should leave them because if they don’t value your consent and your wishes, they’re being harmful and violating the terms that you consented to. Sex is a two-way thing where everyone should be respected and consent can be removed at any point. So long as the sex is safe and within the limits of what you want to do, I don’t see how it could ever conflict with being a feminist. Personally speaking, both myself and my boyfriend identify as feminists and we don’t see any conflict between our social and political beliefs and our sex lives. We do what we want but in a respectful way with lots of communication. Communication is key to having good BDSM!

Is there anything you would like me to write about? Comment below or go to my Facebook or Twitter!

2016 Wrap

It’s New Years Eve and I’m in a hotel in London with the love of my life. 2016 is almost over; in a few hours we’ll be kissing at midnight and dancing, drunk on both alcohol and excitement about what the next year has to bring. Considering this, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect back on the year.

Bad things:

  • Donald Trump. Need I say more?
  • Brexit: not as disastrous as it could be but we have yet to see the actual fallout.
  • ISIS/terrorism: ISIS and other terrorists claim to he Muslim, but killing innocent people in the name of God is the least Islamic thing you could do. Don’t think for one second these assholes are actual Muslims.
  • The government trying to censor porn. Seriously, why? Why is female ejaculation such a taboo? It’s a natural thing. And if it’s legal and the porn is made consensually, what’s the problem?
  • Sexism, the patriarchy and misogyny. All are still alive and kicking.
  • Transphobia, homophobia, LGBTQ*+-phobia. This has got to stop.
  • People are still making jokes at the expense of people with disabilities. It’s the 21st century, STOP.

Good things:

  • I have an amazing boyfriend and I’m in love. I was so cynical about love before him. He’s a good friend I’ve known for years and the finest man I have ever had the privilege of being in a relationship with.
  • I’ve got a stable, rewarding job.
  • Writing a book about anorexia in order to help other people who may be suffering, with a particular focus on mental health in the BAME community.
  • My family are all happy and healthy, which is all you can really wish for.
  • One of my dear friends moved from The Netherlands to London so we were able to finally meet in person after years of chatting online. So grateful for her friendship and some incredible days out!
  • Spending time with my best friend, who never fails to make me smile (and get me drunk). Buying identical skirts in Camden, because we have brilliant swag. Love you.
  • Seeing my other best friend happy to be back in Chile. I miss him dearly but I’m super jealous of all of the awesome weather he’s enjoying!

All in all, 2016 has been awful but personally, I have been blessed by some incredible events in my life. I can’t really complain. I’m in love and life finally looks good. It’s the first time in years that I genuinely feel excited about the new year and what it may bring. I hope you all have a great NYE and NYD! I hope 2017 is a fantastic year for you and those you love.

Love,

Millie x

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 13

13. Unlucky for some. But as someone with seemingly endless bad luck, I like to think 13 can signify some sort of change.

Well, unfortunately, there’s no change here. I was recently at work on a Wednesday morning, quite happily tapping away on my keyboard and coding paperwork, minding my own business and listening to Drake (obviously) when my phone vibrated against the cool, hard wooden desk I’d placed it on. I figured it was one of my friends trying to arrange plans for the weekend so I didn’t hesitate to open it.

It was an anonymous dickpic.

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Scarred for life

I’m not entirely sure what’s worse: a dickpic from a man you know or a dickpic from a complete stranger. Both are intolerable in my eyes and both are embarrassing but perhaps more so from the stranger because they are under the false illusion that somehow, their penis is so magnificent and aesthetically pleasing that you will jump on the next tube to their place naked.

I told the dick in question that his actions were repulsive and that I was not interested. I told him the sight of his ghastly manhood made me want to vomit. He proceeded to call me a whore. Right, I’m the whore. You’re the one who sent a picture of your genitals to a stranger, but I’m the whore. I preceded to destroy his logic by telling him that clearly he’s the whore out of the two of us because he’s so desperate for sex that he’s flashing his penis to an anonymous person. He then used some colourful language and after telling him to have a quick one-two pump in his hand because that’s all he could manage, I blocked him.

Lesson? I will always call you out on your bullshit and I will always have the last word if you dare disrespect me.

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Queen of Effortless Clapbacks aka me

There was another guy who decided to stumble his fuckboy-ways back into my life. He texted me after months and months of silence. His excuse? He’s ‘choleric’. In case you wondered, he’s talking about one of the Four Temperaments which have been wholeheartedly disproved. This was his oldy-worldy way of saying ‘I’m a fuckboy and I’m only messaging you because I want sex and for some reason, I think that I’m so special you’ll break two and a half years of celibacy for me’.

Any guesses on how I dealt with that?

Did I:

  • A: Express my wonder at him texting me again and partake in some polite conversation?
  • B: Make it crystal clear that I am looking for something serious, not a party in my pants?
  • C: Explain how much of a fuckboy he is, only for him to beg for another chance?
  • D: C, but sass him down and block his sorry ass?

The answer is D, because I don’t suffer fools gladly. I was a little shocked that he had bothered to text me but then again, if a fuckboy wants sex, they will magically remember the number of anyone they ever met with a pulse. I don’t think he actually remembered me. He did vaguely describe the night I met him but I really could’ve been any girl he met in any bar in London. He was horny and desperate. I am neither of the two and I have exacting standards.

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I’ll call you out if you’re a fuckboy

Remember how earlier on I was talking about how 13 is unlucky for some? It seems that this installment of D&D shows a change in luck, for I was recently with someone who met my exacting standards. We spent some time together and it was absolutely magical. It was, quite simply, the best weekend of my life (and I’m happy to say he also enjoyed it). He’s a good friend of mine and someone I feel extremely comfortable with. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t have to be perfect. My imperfections aren’t a big deal to him. He makes me smile uncontrollably and laugh like a complete goofball. The best bit? I managed to successfully introduce him to my real, true love, Grey’s Anatomy. It’s all very early days but I’m excited and for once, I’m happy. Long may it continue. And although I love all of my readers dearly, I hope this is the last Dating & Dickpics I have to write in a very, very long time.

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It wasn’t as cheesy as this but considering I’m a 20-something Bridget Jones, this picture seemed appropriate (note: I am cheesy)

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 12

As you can tell, my quest for love is still ongoing as we are now into our 12th episode of the tales of my tragic love life.

The past month has seen many different changes and dates. I have a new job which I’m looking forward to starting so I’ve been out and about a fair bit before I settle into the routine of the 9-5 life. I’m also writing a book! That’s the most exciting news, really. It’s going to take me a while but I’m chipping away at it every day. I’m actually shocked at the level of self-discipline I have. I mean, I’ve even held off watching Grey’s Anatomy because I dedicate my afternoons to writing, leaving evenings for watching TV.

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It seems like I do have a story and it’s getting published

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the same luck in my love life. I gave a guy I dated once a second chance…and he blew it. He contacted me recently after going AWOL for a few months. I told him that yes we had chemistry, but I was still unsure about him because he just disappeared and went radio silent for months. He told me he still liked me and wanted to take me out on a date so I agreed. Everything was fine, even up until the night before. We were talking and he was saying just how much he was looking forward to seeing me the next day.

I woke up the next morning feeling positive. He hadn’t called or texted to say he couldn’t make it so the date was still happening. I picked out my outfit, got ready and headed off to the tube station to hop on the next train to King’s Cross. When I was around 10 minutes away from that tube stop, I texted him saying I was on time and I’d meet him at Covent Garden at 3.30pm like we had agreed.

Then shit hit the fan. He texted me, telling me not to ‘leave home’ when I clearly already had. He said he was still at work. I asked what time he was going to finish — if it was a couple of hours, I could easily kill time in a bar or something. No, he was going to finish at 5pm. I told him I could do some shopping and wait until he was ready, then we could just grab dinner and some drinks. He said no, that we should reschedule and he would be too tired and too moody to go on a date after work.

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REALLY?

So let’s get this straight. He knows it takes me an hour to get to King’s Cross. He knew I would leave my house at 2.30pm. He didn’t inform me then that in fact, he couldn’t leave work at 1pm like his boss said he could. He would’ve known by 2.30pm that he was working late and couldn’t make the date. So why didn’t he inform me? I was livid. I’d wasted all that time and make up and he had actually stood me up. I’ve never been stood up in my life. I was so fuming that I was on the verge of tears (I do that annoying angry-cry thing). It was so rude, unacceptable and inconsiderate. I turned around and made my way back home. On my journey, I texted him and told him he shouldn’t dare to contact me again, that he’s a fuckboy and no, we won’t reschedule, because he’s rude and he can go to hell in a handcart. I actually wanted to let go and call him every name under the sun, but I’m too classy for that…somehow.

My mum and brother were super supportive. My brother, who is actually a really chilled out guy, said that he was appalled that I’d been stood up and that he was furious on my behalf. He also said that I should’ve joined him and his wife as they were only a few tube stops away and they would’ve gladly dished out tea and sympathy. However, I knew if I had taken them up on their generous offer, I probably would’ve burst into tears and I really just wanted to go home and get cuddles from my mum instead.

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My mum’s hugs are epic

I also went on a couple of dates with another guy, but that didn’t lead anywhere. Well, that was my decision really. I think that having been on so many first dates, I’ve fine-tuned my list of what I want from a guy and that means making tough decisions and not compromising on anything at all. I have high standards and people often remark that because of said high standards, I’ll probably be alone, but I’d rather be alone than settle for someone who makes me compromise on things that I really can’t compromise on. I still hold out some hope that I may find love, but it may take a lot longer than I thought. I could quite easily date someone who isn’t right for me for the sake of it, but that wouldn’t be fair to the other person. It’s better to be single and continue the search.

There is another man on the cards though. It’s all hush-hush at the moment and I won’t be spilling the tea any time soon. I don’t want to jinx it because this may actually have potential, but we’ll have to see what happens in due course.

In other news:

  • I’ve already started writing my book. It’s going pretty well, if I do say so myself.
  • I’m having a mini-staycation back in Exeter at the end of November (and if any of you are still there, hit me up so we can arrange something). I cannot wait to go back and rediscover my love for that place.
  • Unfortunately, there was a huge fire in Exeter which means I won’t be visiting one of my favourite places there because it’s been burnt down to a cinder. At least I’ll always have the memories.
  • Reminiscing about Exeter has made me realise just how hard it is to get decent cider in London. I’ll be drinking a lot of cider that weekend.
  • I’m working on Halloween so I can’t celebrate it, but I came to the conclusion that if I was celebrating, I’d have dressed up as The Joker.
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This is my aesthetic #goals

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 11

At this point, I wonder if there will ever be a time where I stop writing D&D. I love writing it, but I would love to find…well, love.

I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to fuckboys. The guy I was making heart-eyes over in D&D 10? He was a complete fuckboy. I think he realised after the first date that sex was off the cards completely. He thought he could change my mind about it. For some reason, men seem to think that no matter how strong a woman’s convictions are, they are God’s gift to women and will change her mind somehow. No man is ever that amazing. Even if it was Idris Elba, it wouldn’t happen.

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Sorry Idris. I love you but no sexy time.

So I was back in the dating game once again and I found a man who made everything sound so promising. He wasn’t exactly my type but I’m a believer in giving most people a chance if I find we are compatible enough to get along. He actually met me when I was on a night out with my friends. I’d only told him in passing that I’d had a busy day planned but we’d be in a nightclub that evening if he wanted to join us and to my surprise, he turned up. He was courteous and polite. We spent almost an hour outside the nightclub just talking and getting to know each other. After, we exchanged numbers and texted every day until our first official date. That date went swimmingly well. As did our second date. By the end of our second date, I thought that this guy had potential.

But things are very rarely a fairytale, especially in my life.

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I was kind of rooting for him.

His true colours were revealed on my birthday, ironically. So for my birthday, I was betrayed and lied to. I have to say, I wouldn’t have coped with the aftermath without my amazing friends (you know who you are). I got over it in time, but I think that what hurt more was another betrayal that blindsided me; he quickly became an afterthought and collateral damage in the end.

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Party pooper.

Despite this, I am grateful for both the fuckboy and the I’ll Ruin Your Birthday guy too. They both taught me some lessons, which are:

  • No man is ever worth breaking a promise you made to yourself.
  • Talk is cheap.
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • If a guy suddenly goes silent for more than a day, he’s not into you.
  • It’s easy to say you’re a feminist and believe in equality but your actions will always betray you.
  • Never stay with a man who thinks that talking to other men is a crime.
  • If someone lets you down at the last minute, you’re not their priority, so get rid of them.
  • You never really know someone’s true intentions until it’s too late.

Despite all this drama, I’m still feeling positive. I know I have the love and support of my friends and I couldn’t have picked myself back up without them. I love you guys.

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#SquadGoals

It’s not all doom and gloom though. I’ve decided that I really need to test men out when I date them and not take everything on face value because as I mentioned above, talk is cheap and it’s easy for men to tell you what you want to hear just to get in your pants or take advantage of you in other ways. Looking back, there were many things wrong with Party Pooper guy but I looked past them because he was just so kind and polite and I thought I could compromise. The fact is, I really can’t. I’m bad at compromising when it comes to love and although I used to think that was a flaw, I don’t think it is now. I know what I want and I won’t settle for less because…well, why should I? Why should anyone settle for less?

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Don’t compromise.

I’m excited to announce that I do have a date this coming weekend. I’m looking forward to it because the guy is miles apart from the guys I’ve dated recently. He’s intelligent and very interesting. Hopefully it all goes well and I don’t make a complete embarrassment of myself. But at the moment, I’m not reading much into it. A date is just that — getting together to find out more about each other. And if this doesn’t work out? Onto the next date.

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Bring it on!

 

Dear Fuckboy

Dear Fuckboy,

I really thought everything was going well. We’d been talking for well over a month and we had that spark that I’d been missing with everyone else I’d spoken to. I finally had the courage to put myself out there after so long; I’ve been bitten more times than I care to remember and I was so shy as a result. But you seemed worth it. The banter was great and your texts always made me smile. I remember being frightfully nervous just before our first date. I was panicking on the train to Covent Garden where we planned to meet.

Our date couldn’t have gone better. I remember, in between giggles and sips of cocktails, thinking ‘this is the best date I’ve been on’. You were exactly what you had promised you’d be: you were funny, charming and a good conversationalist. I went home that evening on cloud nine. We texted each other when we got home to see if we’d both reached safely and you told me you had a great time.

The next week was more of the same. We relayed sweet and silly texts to one another, both dreaming about our next date the following weekend.

Then something happened. Something happened and you never gave an explanation. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, believing that you’re ill or busy, so I let it slide. You had told me you were unwell previously so I texted to see if you were okay as I was worried. You told me you were fine and that I needn’t worry about you. So I didn’t.

Then I texted you the following day, asking how it was going as you were ill and presumably at work. I didn’t get a reply all day. After hours of overthinking (thanks to my anxiety, which you know I have), I decided to give in and ask if you if you were no longer interested in me, because that was how it was feeling considering you had been online and waved it around in my face, read my text and not replied. I somehow went to bed and fell asleep, with some false hope that you would’ve replied that morning. Pretty much everyone around me was saying that you’d lost interest because you don’t read someone’s texts and not reply for the whole day.

The next morning came. The only texts I had received were from my best friends. I texted you to tell you that I got it, it’s over, but you could’ve had the decency to tell me. You read that message and didn’t dignify it with a response.

For someone who is older than me, I have to applaud just how mature you behaved! Maturity is, after all, ignoring someone you asked to be your girlfriend the week before. Maturity is not clearly stating that you were no longer interested. Maturity is leading a woman on for over a month and then opting for radio silence.

You told me you were different. You begged me for a chance, for a date. You promised you were different from all the rest, that you meant what you said, that you would never lie. You promised that you’d never hurt me.

Really, you were exactly like the others. In fact, you were worse, because other fuckboys never lied to me like you did.

So goodbye, dear fuckboy. Thanks for diminishing my trust in men just that little bit more. Thanks for making me second-guess everything the next man who tries to date me says and does. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not worth someone’s time. Thanks for making me believe that finding a genuine, good man is just a myth.