Another One

At some point, my posts will become more regular, I promise. But life often gets in the way of all of that.

Things have been relatively uneventful. Everything in my life is steady and settled, for once. Stability may seem boring for some but I relish it. Some exciting things have occurred though and some other less exciting but kind of important things have also happened. Here’s a list (I LOVE LISTS).

  • I got diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which explains a lot. Well, not a lot, just my adult acne, which has been driving me insane considering I never had acne when I was a teenager. Having PCOS is like having another awkward bout of puberty. Anyway, I wrote an article about it for babe, so I’m going to shamelessly plug it here. (Can we also appreciate my fire selfie that’s been used at the top of the article?)
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My selfie is lit

  • I had the most amazing time out with my best friend, her boyfriend and my boyfriend last weekend. We drank too much, ate too much and laughed too much and it was fabulous. They’re my people and I love them so much!
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We were #squadgoals at the weekend

  • I have a new job! It’s in social media. Yes, that’s right. All of the time I spent after work on social media and building a brand for myself has finally paid off! I now feel as though I can legitimately be called the Meme Queen. My boyfriend was previously just calling me it because I not-so-subtly hinted that I love memes (i.e. I kept spamming his FB messages with memes) but now I have earned the privilege of the title…kind of.
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This genius gif doesn’t need a caption

  • I’m making excellent progress with my book. I’m not writing as much as I would like to because it’s emotionally exhausting. I can’t believe that I’m the same person that wrote all of these diaries and went through all of that. It doesn’t seem remotely real. It feels like a nightmare that someone else lived, not me. It’s been a cathartic exercise though; I feel like that part of my past is well and truly over and I’ll never relapse.
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Actual footage of me writing my book

And that’s just about it!

Quickie

I haven’t updated in forever but it’s been hectic. I’ve barely had any spare time at all! This weekend actually marks the first weekend I’ve had without any plans in over a month. I’ve been seeing friends, spending time with my boyfriend and generally been gallivanting every weekend.

Things are actually okay. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years and I’m sure that’s down to having the most incredible friends and an amazing boyfriend. Other parts of my life could be better, but I’m already working on improving those parts of my life. I can’t complain too much as things have been much worse for me even in the recent past.

I’m making fantastic progress at the gym too. I really want to get back in shape and fit back into all my size 6 clothes so I’m going about it in a healthy way. I’m going to the gym around three times a week and adding more vegetables to my diet. If anyone asked what the hardest part is, it’s definitely not the exercising. That’s easy. It’s having to chomp on vegetables. I don’t mind some vegetables but I’m extremely picky!

I spent a whole week down in Exeter recently and it was one of the best weeks of my life! I was shocked at how easily I slipped back into being a student; it was as though I’d never left. It’s nice to know that some things don’t change. Exeter Uni is much the same. It was great to be back in Exeter in general; it’s a beautiful part of the country and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of it. I also had the chance to catch up with some of my dearest friends who are still at the uni and I don’t think I’ve laughed or smiled so much in a very long time! Also, I love driving to and from Exeter. Long distance driving is a lot of fun, especially when you have a playlist that’s lit AF.

I also have a new tattoo which is based on traditional henna styles. It took three hours and it’s extremely intricate but it looks lovely. I had it done on my right forearm, which as some of you know has some significance for me. I used to self harm there and I finally feel as though that part of my life is behind me now. I feel happy. Well okay, I still have my awful days and my depression seems to be a life-long thing for me, but things are better. I don’t ever feel the need to self harm anymore. I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 12

As you can tell, my quest for love is still ongoing as we are now into our 12th episode of the tales of my tragic love life.

The past month has seen many different changes and dates. I have a new job which I’m looking forward to starting so I’ve been out and about a fair bit before I settle into the routine of the 9-5 life. I’m also writing a book! That’s the most exciting news, really. It’s going to take me a while but I’m chipping away at it every day. I’m actually shocked at the level of self-discipline I have. I mean, I’ve even held off watching Grey’s Anatomy because I dedicate my afternoons to writing, leaving evenings for watching TV.

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It seems like I do have a story and it’s getting published

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the same luck in my love life. I gave a guy I dated once a second chance…and he blew it. He contacted me recently after going AWOL for a few months. I told him that yes we had chemistry, but I was still unsure about him because he just disappeared and went radio silent for months. He told me he still liked me and wanted to take me out on a date so I agreed. Everything was fine, even up until the night before. We were talking and he was saying just how much he was looking forward to seeing me the next day.

I woke up the next morning feeling positive. He hadn’t called or texted to say he couldn’t make it so the date was still happening. I picked out my outfit, got ready and headed off to the tube station to hop on the next train to King’s Cross. When I was around 10 minutes away from that tube stop, I texted him saying I was on time and I’d meet him at Covent Garden at 3.30pm like we had agreed.

Then shit hit the fan. He texted me, telling me not to ‘leave home’ when I clearly already had. He said he was still at work. I asked what time he was going to finish — if it was a couple of hours, I could easily kill time in a bar or something. No, he was going to finish at 5pm. I told him I could do some shopping and wait until he was ready, then we could just grab dinner and some drinks. He said no, that we should reschedule and he would be too tired and too moody to go on a date after work.

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REALLY?

So let’s get this straight. He knows it takes me an hour to get to King’s Cross. He knew I would leave my house at 2.30pm. He didn’t inform me then that in fact, he couldn’t leave work at 1pm like his boss said he could. He would’ve known by 2.30pm that he was working late and couldn’t make the date. So why didn’t he inform me? I was livid. I’d wasted all that time and make up and he had actually stood me up. I’ve never been stood up in my life. I was so fuming that I was on the verge of tears (I do that annoying angry-cry thing). It was so rude, unacceptable and inconsiderate. I turned around and made my way back home. On my journey, I texted him and told him he shouldn’t dare to contact me again, that he’s a fuckboy and no, we won’t reschedule, because he’s rude and he can go to hell in a handcart. I actually wanted to let go and call him every name under the sun, but I’m too classy for that…somehow.

My mum and brother were super supportive. My brother, who is actually a really chilled out guy, said that he was appalled that I’d been stood up and that he was furious on my behalf. He also said that I should’ve joined him and his wife as they were only a few tube stops away and they would’ve gladly dished out tea and sympathy. However, I knew if I had taken them up on their generous offer, I probably would’ve burst into tears and I really just wanted to go home and get cuddles from my mum instead.

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My mum’s hugs are epic

I also went on a couple of dates with another guy, but that didn’t lead anywhere. Well, that was my decision really. I think that having been on so many first dates, I’ve fine-tuned my list of what I want from a guy and that means making tough decisions and not compromising on anything at all. I have high standards and people often remark that because of said high standards, I’ll probably be alone, but I’d rather be alone than settle for someone who makes me compromise on things that I really can’t compromise on. I still hold out some hope that I may find love, but it may take a lot longer than I thought. I could quite easily date someone who isn’t right for me for the sake of it, but that wouldn’t be fair to the other person. It’s better to be single and continue the search.

There is another man on the cards though. It’s all hush-hush at the moment and I won’t be spilling the tea any time soon. I don’t want to jinx it because this may actually have potential, but we’ll have to see what happens in due course.

In other news:

  • I’ve already started writing my book. It’s going pretty well, if I do say so myself.
  • I’m having a mini-staycation back in Exeter at the end of November (and if any of you are still there, hit me up so we can arrange something). I cannot wait to go back and rediscover my love for that place.
  • Unfortunately, there was a huge fire in Exeter which means I won’t be visiting one of my favourite places there because it’s been burnt down to a cinder. At least I’ll always have the memories.
  • Reminiscing about Exeter has made me realise just how hard it is to get decent cider in London. I’ll be drinking a lot of cider that weekend.
  • I’m working on Halloween so I can’t celebrate it, but I came to the conclusion that if I was celebrating, I’d have dressed up as The Joker.
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This is my aesthetic #goals

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 9

I can’t believe I haven’t written an installment of the prestigious Dating and Dickpics since February. I’m shocked at myself.

Since the chapter of my tragic love life, a lot has happened. There have been interesting developments in my career and I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere.

In my previous installment of D&D, I mentioned that I had a date with someone who propositioned me on Twitter. It was all very innocent as we’d had some banter about having disabilities and football. It all came about because of a show called The Undateables, which airs on Channel 4. As an avid social media user, I couldn’t resist tweeting whilst watching and supposedly, neither could he. Anyway, we seemed to get along so we followed each other on Twitter and pencilled in a date.

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I thought I’d get it…

Our first date was a laugh. We met up in Camden (my usual haunt) and had quite a few cocktails. By all accounts, we got on well. He wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (for one, I expected a deeper voice) but he seemed nice and intelligent. After our first date, we started texting non-stop and arranged another date, but this time nearby his university. I was intrigued because I’d actually applied to UCL for my undergraduate degree but decided to turn it down in favour of Exeter. That date also went swimmingly well. I was beginning to like him quite a bit. We spoke everyday and things were, by all accounts, going well.

Then things got weird, fast. He suddenly maintained a radio silence for a few days. I confronted him about it and told him that rather than playing games, it was just better if he was honest. My suspicions were confirmed: he was avidly trying to blank me. Why? Apparently I’m ‘too much’ and ‘too excitable’. He thought it was fine to be passionate about things, but not to the extent that I was. He didn’t get why the small things in life made me happy. Now, as someone with severe depression, if I didn’t hang on to these little things, I’d probably spend the majority of each day crying my eyes out.

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#depression #mentalhealth

I just couldn’t believe the audacity. You’re blaming me for being…myself? Getting excited about irrelevant stuff like Grey’s Anatomy, pugs and tattoos is just a part of who I am. I was thoroughly offended. When I’ve dated someone and it’s not worked out, it has never been because of my personality. 9/10 times, it’s been because I don’t want kids, or they’re just looking for a side chick. I’ve never had someone complain about what fundamentally makes up my personality.

Another thing I couldn’t quite fathom is why a grown ass man of 30 was trying to avoid me like a teenage boy than be honest and just tell me that he wasn’t interested. And to think the man was doing a Masters…he clearly needs a degree in courtesy more than anything.

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Since that, I haven’t dated much. I haven’t really had the time. I’ve either been working or trying to find work. I’m now working shifts, which makes dating a bit of a minefield. It does, however, mean that I’m more likely to see my best friends as they all work shifts too.

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I did start talking to a guy on a dating app. It seemed like it might go somewhere as we live in the same town, so meeting up wouldn’t be a problem. He seemed decent enough and I was willing to go out on a date with him.

I had just returned from London and received a formal job offer when I got a text from him saying that we should celebrate that very evening. I told him I couldn’t because I was exhausted from a long day and just wanted to stay at home with my mum and celebrate. He was bummed, but let it go. Then he began messaging me about meeting up the next day, which was a Saturday.

Here’s the thing. That Saturday was Eurovision. I haven’t missed a single Eurovision in my life and I wasn’t about to. I’m ever so slightly mad about Eurovision.

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Eurovision > every other day of the year.

So I told him I had pre-made plans and that I wasn’t going to rearrange my plans for a date. We could always do the following Friday as I wasn’t working and I’d be free all afternoon and evening. He wasn’t having it, though. He got all sulky and moody about the fact that I had plans and wasn’t prepared to drop them for someone who is essentially a stranger. He couldn’t get over it. He kept messaging me, saying how disappointed he was, how let down he felt. I was actually livid at this point. You are a stranger. I do not know you. What makes you think that my world revolves around you so much that I’m going to suddenly drop any plans I had just for you? Never mind the fact that he wanted to ‘stay out late’ with me, when I’d made it clear that I don’t like staying out past midnight (unless I’m with my best friends of course — I’m in safe company with them). It all sounded far too creepy for my liking, so I cut him loose. He hasn’t once tried to message me to apologise for his selfish behaviour and to be honest, I’m relieved he hasn’t because I’m sure that if he did apologise, he would somehow try and manipulate the situation for his own gain.

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Of course, I’ve had my dating app/website woes, but I will probably collate those into a Dating and Dickpics 9.5 as there are a lot. It’ll be a picture-heavy post.

  • Why do guys chase you and then go off the grid? This has happened with a suitor who I thought was genuinely interested. Perhaps not.
  • I like the concept of Bumble. It means that you can choose whether or not to talk to the guy you’ve matched with. However, when you do initiate conversation, why don’t they ever reply?
  • I’m fed up of every other man asking me what my ethnicity is. If you want to know, that just means you’re interested in fetishising me, not getting to know me.
  • ‘What that mouth do?’ ‘Lectures you on intersectional feminism.’
  • Everyone hot at my new workplace is either gay or taken.
  • Slowly but surely thinking life as a crazy cat lady would actually be a good future prospect and an increasingly likely one.
  • When is Tom Hiddleston going to just give in and marry me?
  • Coffee is bae.

The Memo

I’ve decided that when I can’t write articles, I’ll write updates and they shall be listed as ‘The Memo’…I mean, you’ve got to get the memo, right?

I haven’t had time to write anything creative recently. I haven’t had much time at all. I just started a new job which I’m enjoying, but the hours are long so after my shift, I basically come home and go to bed. However, my body is finally adjusting to the hours so I should be able to write more on my days off.

The job is certainly intriguing. I’ve almost finished my training too. It’s like nothing I’ve ever done before! Exciting times.

Other than that, nothing else has been happening in my life. My love life is still terrible. I seem to get attention from all the kind of guys you really don’t want attention from. I’ll be writing another Dating and Dickpics as and when I get the chance. I actually started messaging someone who seemed promising, only for him to go into  full-on creep mode. Yes, I know I’m just teasing you with that information. Don’t worry. It won’t be long until I write up more D&D.

  • Recently, my days off have consisted of napping and Netflix i.e. heaven.
  • I need gym membership. Must sort that out in the next couple of weeks.
  • Diamonds aren’t this girl’s best friend; coffee is. Coffee has gotten me through so much. I love you, coffee.
  • I had a dream about Ramsay Bolton whilst I was napping the other day. Slightly disturbing, although I do love Iwan Rheon.
  • Grey’s Anatomy finished last week and now I have a figurative medical hole in my life. I’m tempted to write up my thoughts and such about the plots that they have introduced towards the end of the season and speculate what will happen next season.
  • I have about a million and one articles I need to write.
  • I really want to go out and do something. Any takers?

Updates

I haven’t written in a while, for a number of reasons. Things will be improving soon though as I have a list of about a million and one articles that need to get written and published up here.

So here’s what’s been happening in my slightly tragic life.

  • I got a job which was perfect for me because I was basically writing and doing some tech stuff for a living. It looks like it hasn’t worked out as I just got put on gardening leave (not my decision, of course). I can’t say much, obviously (contracts and all that shizzle). But to sum it all up in one gif:
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I feel a little betrayed

  • My dating life has gone from bad to worse. More about that soon (yes, there shall be another chapter of D&D released).
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There’ll always be more D&D

  • Contemplating what to do with my life. I thought I had a plan and it was actually a realistic plan. I knew what I was going to do in the next five years. Get a property, move out and work hard. All of that went up in flames today (see point one). Right now I’m scratching my head a little bit. Part of me is contemplating studying again. I’m not sure how I’d manage to do it. I know that I’m in the right frame of mind to study now, whereas I wasn’t entirely when I actually did my undergraduate degree. It’s just funny how you’re expected to make a life-changing decision about what to study at university when you’re just a teenager. My life experiences during and since my undergraduate degree have made me a lot wiser and I know what I want now. I can’t say I did before.
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Ahh, academia

  • I think for now, at least in the short term, I’ll push on and see what’s in the job market. I’ll do some freelancing and copywriting. Maybe I’ll teach myself another language or something. I’m trying to turn a bad situation on its head and be positive, which is something I’ve not been able to do before when I’ve been disappointed and let down by someone.
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The only definitive plan I have

Till the next time,

M.

Quick Update

Apologies for not posting much lately but things have been extremely busy and hectic around here.

  • I’m job-hunting which is taking up a great deal of my time.
  • Christmas preparations mean there is no time to relax — I’m sure you all feel my pain there.
  • I’m taking an online course on Psychology over at Coursera (I thoroughly recommend going on the website, they have thousands of free online courses and you can walk away with a certificate in whatever discipline you choose).

I do have a couple of articles coming up during the Christmas holidays on here so keep your eyes peeled! They may even hit the blog before schedule.

Millie x