Dating and Dickpics: Episode 2

Welcome to another installment of Dating and Dickpics. I’ve had some very questionable things happen in the last week.

Firstly, there was the Lithuanian guy who was trying to argue that reverse sexism was a thing and that I was being sexist towards him because I called out his blatant sexism towards me. We were discussing our hobbies and I mentioned that I liked watching football but sucked at playing football (FIFA excluded, of course). He then said ‘well, you must like watching football, watching all those men running around is why you watch it’.


Get me on this and I’ll bloody have you!

Let me school you there, boy.

  • There are female fans of football. I know, shock horror!
  • We understand all the rules.
  • We support teams based on either family tradition or where we live, like men do (I frown upon glory supporters of any sex).
  • We watch football simply because it’s a fun thing to do, just like guys watch football because it’s fun.

Of course, there will be females and males who watch footie for the men running around like nutters and that’s fine, but to make the sexist assumption that all women only watch football because of the men playing is not on. So I told him as such and said I genuinely like football for what it is, an entertaining sport.

And somehow, he had the audacity to accuse me of reverse sexism because I was pointing out his sexism. Safe to say he’s been blocked for being a complete bellend.

Sorry CR7, you just don't do it for me...

Sorry CR7, you just don’t do it for me…

I’ve also received the pick up line of the century from an older dude. He was 36…sorry but unless you’re Tom Hiddleston, I’m not going older than 30. He said to me ‘if I buy you a Toblerone, would you go out with me?’ Talk about taking candy from strangers…

If you ain't T Hiddy, you ain't getting this fittie.

If you ain’t T Hiddy, you ain’t getting this fittie.

Other than that, it’s been fairly uneventful apart from this gorgeous Portuguese guy called Tiago. He’s really hot, he lives in London, he’s 25. Oh Tinder, you have delivered. There’s just a few problems…well, just one, to be honest. He seems too keen. As soon as he finds out I’m not working on a specific day, he’s like ‘let’s meet up tomorrow’. Sorry but whatever happened to the art of planning in advance?! Also, central London is a fair way for me. And he wants me to go over to his place? Sorry for being cautious and shit, but I don’t go to anyone’s house on a first date. Or even a second date. Safety first. So perhaps Tinder hasn’t delivered, because he’s too pushy. I kind of thought the whole art of dating was to accommodate the other person and make sure they were comfortable in the place that you’re going on your first date? I think it’s safe to say I won’t be going on a date with him…

Think I know his real intentions...

Think I know his real intentions…

On another note, whilst I was promoting episode one of Dating and Dickpics, some random twat on Twitter actually sent me a full nude picture of himself and asked me to rate him. So now I will.

  • You’re never going to get anywhere if you send women unsolicited nudes.
  • That’s actually sexual harassment because I haven’t consented to such disgusting pictures.
  • You’re ugly, fat and pervy. Can I score minus marks?

NO. Just stahp.