Another One

At some point, my posts will become more regular, I promise. But life often gets in the way of all of that.

Things have been relatively uneventful. Everything in my life is steady and settled, for once. Stability may seem boring for some but I relish it. Some exciting things have occurred though and some other less exciting but kind of important things have also happened. Here’s a list (I LOVE LISTS).

  • I got diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which explains a lot. Well, not a lot, just my adult acne, which has been driving me insane considering I never had acne when I was a teenager. Having PCOS is like having another awkward bout of puberty. Anyway, I wrote an article about it for babe, so I’m going to shamelessly plug it here. (Can we also appreciate my fire selfie that’s been used at the top of the article?)
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My selfie is lit

  • I had the most amazing time out with my best friend, her boyfriend and my boyfriend last weekend. We drank too much, ate too much and laughed too much and it was fabulous. They’re my people and I love them so much!
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We were #squadgoals at the weekend

  • I have a new job! It’s in social media. Yes, that’s right. All of the time I spent after work on social media and building a brand for myself has finally paid off! I now feel as though I can legitimately be called the Meme Queen. My boyfriend was previously just calling me it because I not-so-subtly hinted that I love memes (i.e. I kept spamming his FB messages with memes) but now I have earned the privilege of the title…kind of.
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This genius gif doesn’t need a caption

  • I’m making excellent progress with my book. I’m not writing as much as I would like to because it’s emotionally exhausting. I can’t believe that I’m the same person that wrote all of these diaries and went through all of that. It doesn’t seem remotely real. It feels like a nightmare that someone else lived, not me. It’s been a cathartic exercise though; I feel like that part of my past is well and truly over and I’ll never relapse.
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Actual footage of me writing my book

And that’s just about it!

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 4

It’s been a long time coming! I apologise for the severe lack of dating mishaps on my part; I have been swamped with work and other stuff, such as my brother’s wedding (which was pretty epic).

This episode brings a mark of change. For once, there’s more dating and less dickpics. Well, perhaps not dating, but less fuckboy antics.

Less bad behaviour by boys makes me happy

Less bad behaviour by boys makes me happy

So as I mentioned, I went to my brother’s wedding in Italy. I actually ended up travelling the whole day on my birthday so we didn’t really celebrate, although the airline did provide us with champagne during the flight and the hotel we were staying at made us a cake. Anyway, I wasn’t at home with my best friends so I decided to celebrate the day after landing back in London.

Naturally, me and my best friend decided on going clubbing as it’s a common pastime of ours.

Salsa! in London, our favourite haunt

Salsa! in London, our favourite haunt

We headed to our usual spot. The only problem? We were both completely sober when we walked in at around 11pm. My best friend had just gotten off her shift at work and I just hadn’t gotten round to predrinking. We decided to order some cocktails and sit down until we felt the alcohol flowing through our veins. We had to swat off endless amounts of creepy guys whilst we were downing our drink. One middle-aged guy actually took to following my best friend around the night club until I told him where to go.

Whilst we were nursing some drinks at our table, a guy approached us. Immediately, I reckoned he had approached us because he was looking to get in our good books. He introduced himself and didn’t invade our space like the other blokes that night had. I wasn’t attracted to him, though. Physically, he wasn’t my type.

Maluma. Maluma is my type.

Maluma. Maluma is my type.

He wasn’t creepy or particularly threatening like the other guys who had approached us all night so we started talking to him. He was a pretty interesting guy, very funny and well-spoken. I was already starting to like him. He had great ideas and opinions about a range of topics. After staying with us for one drink, he returned to his friends in the VIP area but told us he’d be back to come and chat to us. Sure enough, he did. He bought us drinks and shots whilst we talked some more and then he invited us to the VIP area where me and him really got talking. We struck a really good rapport and something strange happened. Suddenly I was quite attracted to him. Now I’ll admit that I’m very shallow when it comes to liking guys, but I’d spoken to him a lot that night and he just had such a sparkling personality. Sure enough, we kissed. I was just really infatuated with his personality which is something that has never happened before.

Pucker up

Pucker up

We stayed together for the rest of the night until it was time for us to part ways. He tried his best to convince me to go to the after party but I knew it wouldn’t be worth it — I was tired and just wanted to crash on my best friend’s sofa for the night. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye. In less than 10 minutes he rang me to make sure me and my best friend had gotten a taxi okay, which was a very sweet gesture.

We texted pretty much every day since that night for about a week until I decided to delve a little further. After some basic Facebook stalking, I discovered the shocking truth: he was 35.

35.

Bearing in mind I’m only 22, I was pretty freaked out. He didn’t look or act 35 when I met him; I’d assumed he was like 31 at the most. I mean, he’s closer to 40 than 20. He had asked me out on a date but I decided that it was best to nip it in the bud before anything could get out of control on his part. We do text here and there but it’s the basics, like ‘how was your weekend’ etc.

The only mid-30s guy I'd date

The only mid-30s guy I’d date

There is another guy, however. He’s only recently come on the scene. I like him. He’s funny, sweet and he has this whole other sexy side to him which I really didn’t expect. He’s cute as hell. It’s early days yet so I can’t really comment any further. It might just be a flash in the pan, or it might go somewhere. At least he doesn’t think I’m a potato.

And finally, some general points:

  • Someone sent me explicit images via Facebook despite my protestations. I posted it in a public post on Facebook. They took down my post but didn’t suspend the guy’s account or anything. Sexism much? Why was it okay for him to send me those things but when I name and shame, I’m slammed for it?
  • I met Olivier Giroud at work. Solid 10/10. Bit rude but very handsome in real life.
  • I also met Alfie Allen AKA Theon Greyjoy/Reek from Game of Thrones. He’s really tiny in real life. I’m almost certain he’s shorter than me.
  • I’m really sick of people fetishising women of colour.
  • Does Malik think he’s going to get far with lines like ‘provide you sex and happy life if marry’? Who are these randoms on Twitter?
No but srsly, wtf

No but srsly, wtf