Dating and Dickpics: Episode 9

I can’t believe I haven’t written an installment of the prestigious Dating and Dickpics since February. I’m shocked at myself.

Since the chapter of my tragic love life, a lot has happened. There have been interesting developments in my career and I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere.

In my previous installment of D&D, I mentioned that I had a date with someone who propositioned me on Twitter. It was all very innocent as we’d had some banter about having disabilities and football. It all came about because of a show called The Undateables, which airs on Channel 4. As an avid social media user, I couldn’t resist tweeting whilst watching and supposedly, neither could he. Anyway, we seemed to get along so we followed each other on Twitter and pencilled in a date.

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I thought I’d get it…

Our first date was a laugh. We met up in Camden (my usual haunt) and had quite a few cocktails. By all accounts, we got on well. He wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (for one, I expected a deeper voice) but he seemed nice and intelligent. After our first date, we started texting non-stop and arranged another date, but this time nearby his university. I was intrigued because I’d actually applied to UCL for my undergraduate degree but decided to turn it down in favour of Exeter. That date also went swimmingly well. I was beginning to like him quite a bit. We spoke everyday and things were, by all accounts, going well.

Then things got weird, fast. He suddenly maintained a radio silence for a few days. I confronted him about it and told him that rather than playing games, it was just better if he was honest. My suspicions were confirmed: he was avidly trying to blank me. Why? Apparently I’m ‘too much’ and ‘too excitable’. He thought it was fine to be passionate about things, but not to the extent that I was. He didn’t get why the small things in life made me happy. Now, as someone with severe depression, if I didn’t hang on to these little things, I’d probably spend the majority of each day crying my eyes out.

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#depression #mentalhealth

I just couldn’t believe the audacity. You’re blaming me for being…myself? Getting excited about irrelevant stuff like Grey’s Anatomy, pugs and tattoos is just a part of who I am. I was thoroughly offended. When I’ve dated someone and it’s not worked out, it has never been because of my personality. 9/10 times, it’s been because I don’t want kids, or they’re just looking for a side chick. I’ve never had someone complain about what fundamentally makes up my personality.

Another thing I couldn’t quite fathom is why a grown ass man of 30 was trying to avoid me like a teenage boy than be honest and just tell me that he wasn’t interested. And to think the man was doing a Masters…he clearly needs a degree in courtesy more than anything.

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Since that, I haven’t dated much. I haven’t really had the time. I’ve either been working or trying to find work. I’m now working shifts, which makes dating a bit of a minefield. It does, however, mean that I’m more likely to see my best friends as they all work shifts too.

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I did start talking to a guy on a dating app. It seemed like it might go somewhere as we live in the same town, so meeting up wouldn’t be a problem. He seemed decent enough and I was willing to go out on a date with him.

I had just returned from London and received a formal job offer when I got a text from him saying that we should celebrate that very evening. I told him I couldn’t because I was exhausted from a long day and just wanted to stay at home with my mum and celebrate. He was bummed, but let it go. Then he began messaging me about meeting up the next day, which was a Saturday.

Here’s the thing. That Saturday was Eurovision. I haven’t missed a single Eurovision in my life and I wasn’t about to. I’m ever so slightly mad about Eurovision.

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Eurovision > every other day of the year.

So I told him I had pre-made plans and that I wasn’t going to rearrange my plans for a date. We could always do the following Friday as I wasn’t working and I’d be free all afternoon and evening. He wasn’t having it, though. He got all sulky and moody about the fact that I had plans and wasn’t prepared to drop them for someone who is essentially a stranger. He couldn’t get over it. He kept messaging me, saying how disappointed he was, how let down he felt. I was actually livid at this point. You are a stranger. I do not know you. What makes you think that my world revolves around you so much that I’m going to suddenly drop any plans I had just for you? Never mind the fact that he wanted to ‘stay out late’ with me, when I’d made it clear that I don’t like staying out past midnight (unless I’m with my best friends of course — I’m in safe company with them). It all sounded far too creepy for my liking, so I cut him loose. He hasn’t once tried to message me to apologise for his selfish behaviour and to be honest, I’m relieved he hasn’t because I’m sure that if he did apologise, he would somehow try and manipulate the situation for his own gain.

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Of course, I’ve had my dating app/website woes, but I will probably collate those into a Dating and Dickpics 9.5 as there are a lot. It’ll be a picture-heavy post.

  • Why do guys chase you and then go off the grid? This has happened with a suitor who I thought was genuinely interested. Perhaps not.
  • I like the concept of Bumble. It means that you can choose whether or not to talk to the guy you’ve matched with. However, when you do initiate conversation, why don’t they ever reply?
  • I’m fed up of every other man asking me what my ethnicity is. If you want to know, that just means you’re interested in fetishising me, not getting to know me.
  • ‘What that mouth do?’ ‘Lectures you on intersectional feminism.’
  • Everyone hot at my new workplace is either gay or taken.
  • Slowly but surely thinking life as a crazy cat lady would actually be a good future prospect and an increasingly likely one.
  • When is Tom Hiddleston going to just give in and marry me?
  • Coffee is bae.
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The Memo

I’ve decided that when I can’t write articles, I’ll write updates and they shall be listed as ‘The Memo’…I mean, you’ve got to get the memo, right?

I haven’t had time to write anything creative recently. I haven’t had much time at all. I just started a new job which I’m enjoying, but the hours are long so after my shift, I basically come home and go to bed. However, my body is finally adjusting to the hours so I should be able to write more on my days off.

The job is certainly intriguing. I’ve almost finished my training too. It’s like nothing I’ve ever done before! Exciting times.

Other than that, nothing else has been happening in my life. My love life is still terrible. I seem to get attention from all the kind of guys you really don’t want attention from. I’ll be writing another Dating and Dickpics as and when I get the chance. I actually started messaging someone who seemed promising, only for him to go into  full-on creep mode. Yes, I know I’m just teasing you with that information. Don’t worry. It won’t be long until I write up more D&D.

  • Recently, my days off have consisted of napping and Netflix i.e. heaven.
  • I need gym membership. Must sort that out in the next couple of weeks.
  • Diamonds aren’t this girl’s best friend; coffee is. Coffee has gotten me through so much. I love you, coffee.
  • I had a dream about Ramsay Bolton whilst I was napping the other day. Slightly disturbing, although I do love Iwan Rheon.
  • Grey’s Anatomy finished last week and now I have a figurative medical hole in my life. I’m tempted to write up my thoughts and such about the plots that they have introduced towards the end of the season and speculate what will happen next season.
  • I have about a million and one articles I need to write.
  • I really want to go out and do something. Any takers?

Updates

I haven’t written in a while, for a number of reasons. Things will be improving soon though as I have a list of about a million and one articles that need to get written and published up here.

So here’s what’s been happening in my slightly tragic life.

  • I got a job which was perfect for me because I was basically writing and doing some tech stuff for a living. It looks like it hasn’t worked out as I just got put on gardening leave (not my decision, of course). I can’t say much, obviously (contracts and all that shizzle). But to sum it all up in one gif:
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I feel a little betrayed

  • My dating life has gone from bad to worse. More about that soon (yes, there shall be another chapter of D&D released).
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There’ll always be more D&D

  • Contemplating what to do with my life. I thought I had a plan and it was actually a realistic plan. I knew what I was going to do in the next five years. Get a property, move out and work hard. All of that went up in flames today (see point one). Right now I’m scratching my head a little bit. Part of me is contemplating studying again. I’m not sure how I’d manage to do it. I know that I’m in the right frame of mind to study now, whereas I wasn’t entirely when I actually did my undergraduate degree. It’s just funny how you’re expected to make a life-changing decision about what to study at university when you’re just a teenager. My life experiences during and since my undergraduate degree have made me a lot wiser and I know what I want now. I can’t say I did before.
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Ahh, academia

  • I think for now, at least in the short term, I’ll push on and see what’s in the job market. I’ll do some freelancing and copywriting. Maybe I’ll teach myself another language or something. I’m trying to turn a bad situation on its head and be positive, which is something I’ve not been able to do before when I’ve been disappointed and let down by someone.
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The only definitive plan I have

Till the next time,

M.

The Grim Realities of Graduate Life (CultNoise)

26th March 2015

Once upon a time, graduating with a degree from university seemed to be sure-fire way to start a long and prosperous career. The idea of university was sold as the place to go to further your academic curiosity and as a gateway to a solid, steady job.

If only this fairy-tale was still true.

I graduated in July last year, all fresh-faced and excited about what graduate life would bring. Throughout my final year at university, I applied for several grad schemes but didn’t land any. Still, I had high hopes due to my degree in Languages. After all, people are always popping up on the news saying that there aren’t enough multilingual people in certain industries. I was sure that it was only a matter of time before someone gave me a break so that I could prove that I was worthy of a job.

After graduation, I decided to take a sabbatical after three years of hard work. I continued applying for jobs every other day but also tried to rediscover hobbies that I hadn’t had the time to do whilst studying at university. I caught up with old friends who I had missed greatly and spent the rest of the summer and early autumn simultaneously living it up with friends and anxiously waiting on a reply about a job offer.

Months passed with no news. I kept searching for jobs and applying, but by this point I had done hundreds of applications and barely had so much as a rejection letter. Nowadays, companies don’t have the decency to reject you; they simply maintain a cold silence and apathy towards you.

Desperate not to have a gap on my CV and no experience, I did the only thing I could do whilst waiting for something better to come along: I became a temp. To be a temp, all you have to do is go to your local agency and sign up. You don’t need any qualifications other than GCSEs per se, although A Levels are always a bonus. You certainly don’t need a degree. I felt extremely awkward and out of place. The staff at the agency were lovely, but I felt overqualified. It meant that I was always first choice for bookings but a bit of a joke too. On my first day at any temping job, I repeatedly heard ‘when I saw you had a degree, I simply had to have you…by the way, why aren’t you using your degree?!’ If only the answer was so simple.

Temping is far from glamorous. You usually don’t have many rights, but that depends on the company you’re temping for. You have to be upbeat all the time, even if you feel like crying from the monotony of the work you’re doing. You don’t really get a choice in what temping gigs you get; if you say no to the agency too many times when they offer you a booking, you’ll be seen as uncooperative.

Most days, I felt demoralised and disheartened. Why did I bother spending thousands of pounds to go to university when all the jobs I can get right now don’t even require a degree? I was never enamoured by the idea of going to university and had it not been for my parents’ unyielding insistence that I go, I wouldn’t have bothered. University worsened my mental health, which I’d had problems with years before I went to study further. All the suffering that university caused seemed to be in vain. My life wasn’t any better than it would have been had I not gone. I studied Languages at university but learning languages has always been a hobby, thus I would have taught myself them anyway. My life was full of hard graft and heartache. University had been a waste of time.

The stark reality is that university means nothing nowadays. Having an undergraduate degree doesn’t have the same effect that it used to. When my elder brother went to university, he and many others of that cohort of graduates, walked straight into graduate jobs. Now? The job market is overrun with graduates. Landing a grad scheme has become the exception, not the rule. I know perhaps a handful of people who have grad schemes. Most don’t. Most are doing similar things to me, taking any job we can grab for fear of having large gaps on our CVs and later being accused by a potential employer of not utilising our time after university. It’s now becoming the norm to settle for any job that pays money, or to scrape buy on an unpaid internship. The majority of my friends that are employed have jobs that barely require A Levels, never mind a degree. A lot of my friends are studying Masters Degrees, not because they want to do a post grad, but because they can’t find a job and decided that delaying the process of job hunting by a year would be better than trying to do it now. Little do they realise that employers will now pick on their lack of work experience. Employers are never satisfied.

It seems that, regardless of where you went to university, what you studied and what grade you got, having a degree is nothing special. Employers now demand more. It is only now, having worked at a painstakingly dull job which hasn’t utilised my degree at all, I am getting job offers. My advice to anyone contemplating studying at university is this: do you actually want to study? Because a degree is only worth something if you genuinely have a passion for studying. Don’t do it because you think it will enhance your job prospects. It won’t.

(Originally Published on CultNoise Magazine – currently under reconstruction)

Quick Update

Apologies for not posting much lately but things have been extremely busy and hectic around here.

  • I’m job-hunting which is taking up a great deal of my time.
  • Christmas preparations mean there is no time to relax — I’m sure you all feel my pain there.
  • I’m taking an online course on Psychology over at Coursera (I thoroughly recommend going on the website, they have thousands of free online courses and you can walk away with a certificate in whatever discipline you choose).

I do have a couple of articles coming up during the Christmas holidays on here so keep your eyes peeled! They may even hit the blog before schedule.

Millie x

Updates

I thought I’d update everyone on what’s happening because I hate having long silences on here.

  • I haven’t been writing much because work has been getting in the way. I work long, exhausting hours and I’m on my feet all day. When I come home, I just want to sit down and then go to bed because my body is battered and bruised.
  • I’m hoping to start up a YouTube channel soon with videos about both serious issues and also comedy bits. I’ve been told I’m funny so I may as well give it a go! I already have a few ideas and hopefully, I might start filming in the next couple of weeks.
  • Not feeling too great in general at the moment; my depression is pretty bad. Getting help for it though.

On a positive, uplifting note: MORE CATS, LESS CATCALLS.

Love you all,

Millie x

Update #1

Buongiorno a tutti! Thought I’d post a little update about what’s happening in my life at the moment before I get cracking with some writing this weekend.

  • There’s a reason why I haven’t posted any articles/writing in a while. I’ve just started a new job which I’m really enjoying and I’ve got training for a few weeks, so that’s been keeping me very busy. The people I work with are amazing and I’m really enjoying the role!
  • There are a couple of guys that I fancy. This rarely happens.
  • I doubt those couple of guys fancy me. It’s always the way — the person you’re crushing on never seems to requite your feelings.
Love is in the air...but it's completely one-sided

Love is in the air…but it’s completely one-sided

  • Hannibal has been cancelled. It is one of my favourite shows out at the moment (second only to Game of Thrones) and I am absolutely devastated. I need a weekly fix of Mads Mikkelsen! He’s such a babe.
#SaveHannibal

#SaveHannibal

  • I’ve been surprisingly chirpy as of late.
  • You really can’t go wrong with wine on a Friday evening.
Tyrion is the god of tits and wine, I may well be the goddess

Tyrion is the god of tits and wine, I may well be the goddess

  • I’ve finalised a very important decision in my life which I shall reveal in due time. It will take time for it to become a reality but hopefully, it should all be done and dusted before my 22nd birthday in August.

Watch this space! I shall be posting soon; hopefully by the end of this weekend.

Love,

Jaz