It’s been a long time since my last installment of this tragic yet comedic column, but I promise you, it has been worth the wait.
Last time I wrote D&D, I was going out on dates with one guy who I met at a house party. It turned out that he was a massive liar — he’d told me he was single at the party when actually, he had been seeing a girl for 6 years! I dumped him, but not because of that; I didn’t find out any of that until after I’d dumped him. He was so desperate that whilst dumping him, he was begging for my friendship but I just found him repulsive at that point. He was just so unattractive, suffocating and clingy, to the point where I just wanted to punch him in the face. After dumping him, his actual girlfriend contacted me and told me everything. In return, and as a sign of sisterhood, I told her everything. The long and short of it was that he wasn’t single when he told me he was and two timed both of us for a couple of weeks before dumping her for me, only for me to turn around and tell him I never wanted to see him again. He’d then gone begging the other girl to take him back. She didn’t. In the end, me and her got the last laugh.
In November, me and my friends went out to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. The plan was simple: dinner, drinks, shisha, more drinks and then clubbing. The night was going swimmingly well and we were having a great time. In the nightclub, I went off to the bar and the dancefloor and started shaking my stuff.
I got dancing with some fairly attractive guy. Now I know what guys in clubs are like. They’re usually just after one thing. Now I’m in my 20s, I’m all about denying guys hook-ups and one night stands. I told this guy firmly after one dance that if he was genuinely interested in me, he would take my number and text me.
Sure enough, he came true on his promise. I was shocked, to say the least. He’s texted me sporadically since. Here’s what’s really getting my goat: he will text me saying, ‘I would love to meet up, can you meet up tomorrow/today?’ I’m sorry but whatever happened to decency and manners? Why do guys think that you’re just hanging around, waiting for them to text you, as though you’re actively moping around and staring at your phone, not making plans because they may text you? This kind of malpractice is disgusting and offputting. I am not going to go out with you if you don’t give me any notice. It’s not remotely considerate and it’s extremely thoughtless. Now at the moment, I am not working so I do have a lot of free time, but I always say no to this guy out of self-respect. I’d rather sit at home with my mum and a glass of wine and binge watch Grey’s Anatomy, thanks.
Now, to finish off: some little points.
- It’s almost New Year’s Eve and I’m single so I’ll be doing a shot of vodka at midnight. Who needs a midnight kiss when you can have vodka?
- I’ve never been kissed under mistletoe and, irrespective of how badly I want that to change, I don’t think it will.
- Entering another year single. Consistency is key, guys.
- There’s a guy I like. I doubt he feels the same. One can dream, right?