Dating and Dickpics: Episode 12

As you can tell, my quest for love is still ongoing as we are now into our 12th episode of the tales of my tragic love life.

The past month has seen many different changes and dates. I have a new job which I’m looking forward to starting so I’ve been out and about a fair bit before I settle into the routine of the 9-5 life. I’m also writing a book! That’s the most exciting news, really. It’s going to take me a while but I’m chipping away at it every day. I’m actually shocked at the level of self-discipline I have. I mean, I’ve even held off watching Grey’s Anatomy because I dedicate my afternoons to writing, leaving evenings for watching TV.

meredith

It seems like I do have a story and it’s getting published

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the same luck in my love life. I gave a guy I dated once a second chance…and he blew it. He contacted me recently after going AWOL for a few months. I told him that yes we had chemistry, but I was still unsure about him because he just disappeared and went radio silent for months. He told me he still liked me and wanted to take me out on a date so I agreed. Everything was fine, even up until the night before. We were talking and he was saying just how much he was looking forward to seeing me the next day.

I woke up the next morning feeling positive. He hadn’t called or texted to say he couldn’t make it so the date was still happening. I picked out my outfit, got ready and headed off to the tube station to hop on the next train to King’s Cross. When I was around 10 minutes away from that tube stop, I texted him saying I was on time and I’d meet him at Covent Garden at 3.30pm like we had agreed.

Then shit hit the fan. He texted me, telling me not to ‘leave home’ when I clearly already had. He said he was still at work. I asked what time he was going to finish — if it was a couple of hours, I could easily kill time in a bar or something. No, he was going to finish at 5pm. I told him I could do some shopping and wait until he was ready, then we could just grab dinner and some drinks. He said no, that we should reschedule and he would be too tired and too moody to go on a date after work.

tumblr_m0dphhcxqz1rqfhi2o1_500

REALLY?

So let’s get this straight. He knows it takes me an hour to get to King’s Cross. He knew I would leave my house at 2.30pm. He didn’t inform me then that in fact, he couldn’t leave work at 1pm like his boss said he could. He would’ve known by 2.30pm that he was working late and couldn’t make the date. So why didn’t he inform me? I was livid. I’d wasted all that time and make up and he had actually stood me up. I’ve never been stood up in my life. I was so fuming that I was on the verge of tears (I do that annoying angry-cry thing). It was so rude, unacceptable and inconsiderate. I turned around and made my way back home. On my journey, I texted him and told him he shouldn’t dare to contact me again, that he’s a fuckboy and no, we won’t reschedule, because he’s rude and he can go to hell in a handcart. I actually wanted to let go and call him every name under the sun, but I’m too classy for that…somehow.

My mum and brother were super supportive. My brother, who is actually a really chilled out guy, said that he was appalled that I’d been stood up and that he was furious on my behalf. He also said that I should’ve joined him and his wife as they were only a few tube stops away and they would’ve gladly dished out tea and sympathy. However, I knew if I had taken them up on their generous offer, I probably would’ve burst into tears and I really just wanted to go home and get cuddles from my mum instead.

epic-hugs-friends-pikachu

My mum’s hugs are epic

I also went on a couple of dates with another guy, but that didn’t lead anywhere. Well, that was my decision really. I think that having been on so many first dates, I’ve fine-tuned my list of what I want from a guy and that means making tough decisions and not compromising on anything at all. I have high standards and people often remark that because of said high standards, I’ll probably be alone, but I’d rather be alone than settle for someone who makes me compromise on things that I really can’t compromise on. I still hold out some hope that I may find love, but it may take a lot longer than I thought. I could quite easily date someone who isn’t right for me for the sake of it, but that wouldn’t be fair to the other person. It’s better to be single and continue the search.

There is another man on the cards though. It’s all hush-hush at the moment and I won’t be spilling the tea any time soon. I don’t want to jinx it because this may actually have potential, but we’ll have to see what happens in due course.

In other news:

  • I’ve already started writing my book. It’s going pretty well, if I do say so myself.
  • I’m having a mini-staycation back in Exeter at the end of November (and if any of you are still there, hit me up so we can arrange something). I cannot wait to go back and rediscover my love for that place.
  • Unfortunately, there was a huge fire in Exeter which means I won’t be visiting one of my favourite places there because it’s been burnt down to a cinder. At least I’ll always have the memories.
  • Reminiscing about Exeter has made me realise just how hard it is to get decent cider in London. I’ll be drinking a lot of cider that weekend.
  • I’m working on Halloween so I can’t celebrate it, but I came to the conclusion that if I was celebrating, I’d have dressed up as The Joker.
raw

This is my aesthetic #goals

Advertisements

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 11

At this point, I wonder if there will ever be a time where I stop writing D&D. I love writing it, but I would love to find…well, love.

I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to fuckboys. The guy I was making heart-eyes over in D&D 10? He was a complete fuckboy. I think he realised after the first date that sex was off the cards completely. He thought he could change my mind about it. For some reason, men seem to think that no matter how strong a woman’s convictions are, they are God’s gift to women and will change her mind somehow. No man is ever that amazing. Even if it was Idris Elba, it wouldn’t happen.

idris

Sorry Idris. I love you but no sexy time.

So I was back in the dating game once again and I found a man who made everything sound so promising. He wasn’t exactly my type but I’m a believer in giving most people a chance if I find we are compatible enough to get along. He actually met me when I was on a night out with my friends. I’d only told him in passing that I’d had a busy day planned but we’d be in a nightclub that evening if he wanted to join us and to my surprise, he turned up. He was courteous and polite. We spent almost an hour outside the nightclub just talking and getting to know each other. After, we exchanged numbers and texted every day until our first official date. That date went swimmingly well. As did our second date. By the end of our second date, I thought that this guy had potential.

But things are very rarely a fairytale, especially in my life.

rooting-for-you

I was kind of rooting for him.

His true colours were revealed on my birthday, ironically. So for my birthday, I was betrayed and lied to. I have to say, I wouldn’t have coped with the aftermath without my amazing friends (you know who you are). I got over it in time, but I think that what hurt more was another betrayal that blindsided me; he quickly became an afterthought and collateral damage in the end.

buzzkill

Party pooper.

Despite this, I am grateful for both the fuckboy and the I’ll Ruin Your Birthday guy too. They both taught me some lessons, which are:

  • No man is ever worth breaking a promise you made to yourself.
  • Talk is cheap.
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • If a guy suddenly goes silent for more than a day, he’s not into you.
  • It’s easy to say you’re a feminist and believe in equality but your actions will always betray you.
  • Never stay with a man who thinks that talking to other men is a crime.
  • If someone lets you down at the last minute, you’re not their priority, so get rid of them.
  • You never really know someone’s true intentions until it’s too late.

Despite all this drama, I’m still feeling positive. I know I have the love and support of my friends and I couldn’t have picked myself back up without them. I love you guys.

squad

#SquadGoals

It’s not all doom and gloom though. I’ve decided that I really need to test men out when I date them and not take everything on face value because as I mentioned above, talk is cheap and it’s easy for men to tell you what you want to hear just to get in your pants or take advantage of you in other ways. Looking back, there were many things wrong with Party Pooper guy but I looked past them because he was just so kind and polite and I thought I could compromise. The fact is, I really can’t. I’m bad at compromising when it comes to love and although I used to think that was a flaw, I don’t think it is now. I know what I want and I won’t settle for less because…well, why should I? Why should anyone settle for less?

compromise

Don’t compromise.

I’m excited to announce that I do have a date this coming weekend. I’m looking forward to it because the guy is miles apart from the guys I’ve dated recently. He’s intelligent and very interesting. Hopefully it all goes well and I don’t make a complete embarrassment of myself. But at the moment, I’m not reading much into it. A date is just that — getting together to find out more about each other. And if this doesn’t work out? Onto the next date.

date-night-ideas-1

Bring it on!

 

Dear Fuckboy

Dear Fuckboy,

I really thought everything was going well. We’d been talking for well over a month and we had that spark that I’d been missing with everyone else I’d spoken to. I finally had the courage to put myself out there after so long; I’ve been bitten more times than I care to remember and I was so shy as a result. But you seemed worth it. The banter was great and your texts always made me smile. I remember being frightfully nervous just before our first date. I was panicking on the train to Covent Garden where we planned to meet.

Our date couldn’t have gone better. I remember, in between giggles and sips of cocktails, thinking ‘this is the best date I’ve been on’. You were exactly what you had promised you’d be: you were funny, charming and a good conversationalist. I went home that evening on cloud nine. We texted each other when we got home to see if we’d both reached safely and you told me you had a great time.

The next week was more of the same. We relayed sweet and silly texts to one another, both dreaming about our next date the following weekend.

Then something happened. Something happened and you never gave an explanation. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, believing that you’re ill or busy, so I let it slide. You had told me you were unwell previously so I texted to see if you were okay as I was worried. You told me you were fine and that I needn’t worry about you. So I didn’t.

Then I texted you the following day, asking how it was going as you were ill and presumably at work. I didn’t get a reply all day. After hours of overthinking (thanks to my anxiety, which you know I have), I decided to give in and ask if you if you were no longer interested in me, because that was how it was feeling considering you had been online and waved it around in my face, read my text and not replied. I somehow went to bed and fell asleep, with some false hope that you would’ve replied that morning. Pretty much everyone around me was saying that you’d lost interest because you don’t read someone’s texts and not reply for the whole day.

The next morning came. The only texts I had received were from my best friends. I texted you to tell you that I got it, it’s over, but you could’ve had the decency to tell me. You read that message and didn’t dignify it with a response.

For someone who is older than me, I have to applaud just how mature you behaved! Maturity is, after all, ignoring someone you asked to be your girlfriend the week before. Maturity is not clearly stating that you were no longer interested. Maturity is leading a woman on for over a month and then opting for radio silence.

You told me you were different. You begged me for a chance, for a date. You promised you were different from all the rest, that you meant what you said, that you would never lie. You promised that you’d never hurt me.

Really, you were exactly like the others. In fact, you were worse, because other fuckboys never lied to me like you did.

So goodbye, dear fuckboy. Thanks for diminishing my trust in men just that little bit more. Thanks for making me second-guess everything the next man who tries to date me says and does. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not worth someone’s time. Thanks for making me believe that finding a genuine, good man is just a myth.

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 5

It’s that time again — time to laugh at the ridiculousness that is my love life. A couple of things first, though.

  • Bridget Jones’ Diary was on television the other night and of course, I watched it. That film resonates with me so much, except I don’t think I’ll quite get the happy ending that she does. Also, I wear better knickers than her.
  • I’ve started seeing someone. More about that in a bit.
  • It didn’t work out with the guy I mentioned in D&D #4.
  • Dating websites just keep delivering absolute treasure.
  • I would definitely bling Drake’s hotline.
I wouldn't stop blinging his hotline

I wouldn’t stop blinging his hotline

Right, so the whole ‘I’m kind of seeing someone thing’. I don’t really know what label we should have but it’s early days and we’re not seeing anyone else. To be honest, knowing what I’m like, I probably couldn’t even find any other person to date me. He’s a nice guy, quite sweet and very polite. On our first date, I really thought it had potential because he was so gentlemanly.  It still does have potential and I guess he does make me happy. But do you ever find someone you like but wish certain things were different? I’m scared. For those of you who watch Grey’s Anatomy, I’m basically like Dr Cristina Yang. I’m not very forthcoming and whilst I like romance, some of it makes me cringe and at times it can just be too much if it’s constant. Cristina freaks out a lot when guys make sweeping gestures because she’s just not used to it and I’m much the same. I think I just need to get used to it. It’s early days so I’m sure with time, I’ll loosen up a little.

She would be my person

She would be my person

Last time, I introduced you all to a cute guy who I was friends with and was going out on a couple of dates with. We had a bit of a thing, I guess, and things were going well. However, he was a bit of a douche in the end, but I had a good time nonetheless. He started playing up so I broke the whole thing off. Besides, I think we both got what we wanted in the end. The funny thing is, as soon as I broke it off with him, he started becoming extremely interested in me, to the point where he was trying to get involved in conversations I was in, constantly looking for any excuse to get my attention etc. It was entertaining, then it became frustrating because guys always want what they can’t have and I wasn’t prepared to go down that route again where there was no promise of anything more serious. I’ve happily moved on but according to various sources, the same can’t be said for him.

As you all know, I go on dating sites. I name and shame. Anyway, before meeting the guy I’m currently dating, I was in conversation with another guy. I didn’t find him physically attractive but I thought we had some things in common so exchanging numbers couldn’t do much harm. However, he went full-blown clingy. He would say the creepiest shit and then try and retract it. He actually thought that he was fourth on my list of ‘ideal men’ (after Tom Hiddleston, Maluma and Drake) although I pretty much told him he had no chance. He was already talking about what we should do on our third and fourth dates despite the fact that he we hadn’t even been on our first date. It was all too much and besides, his personality wasn’t making up for his lack of looks. I politely declined going on a date with him despite him begging to make his ‘wish’ come true and go on a date, even as friends. Correct me if I’m wrong, but friends don’t go on dates, right? All that aside, he wasn’t the kind of friend I needed. Getting ahead of yourself is never attractive to anyone of any sex. You don’t start planning a whole life together when you haven’t even been on one date!

Unimpressed by clingy men

Unimpressed by clingy men

Now, for some gems from dating websites. I’ve screenshotted some absolutely wonderful conversations for you to marvel at.

What a twat

What a twat

Obviously, I’ve written that I’m a feminist on my profile. It’s an important aspect of my life and I can’t even bother considering someone who isn’t a feminist or holds feminist ideals. This guy clearly has no idea what ‘feminism’ actually means. Feminism does focus on men’s issues but guess what? A movement doesn’t have to justify itself to men in order to have meaning to people. The reason why ‘feminism’ is called ‘feminism’ is because women have been oppressed because men have been given all the privilege. However, feminism nowadays does address issues that men face. After all, it’s meninists who make fun out of male rape victims, whereas feminists help male rape victims. And what’s wrong with a movement that promotes women when all of society has promoted men throughout history. I couldn’t even be bothered to argue with this ignorant bastard because it would’ve drained my energy. If you’re that ignorant, I’m not going to help you.

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding?

‘Exotic’ is not a compliment. It is a fetishisation of someone’s race. It’s a microaggression. It means that you’re only interested because I look foreign and ‘different’ to the ‘norm’, therefore you feel like you need to conquer me in order to try something ‘different’. I am not a sexual fantasy, I am a person.

Why do men think this is acceptable online?

Why do men think this is acceptable online?

‘kinkdaddy81’, as he fashions himself, is a prime example of sexual harassment online. Whilst he’s not the worst I’ve encountered, I find it positively bewildering that men think they can go on a dating website and ask people for sex. You wouldn’t do that face to face, so why are you doing it behind a screen? It doesn’t make it acceptable. It is harassment. Also, he wants to ‘introduce’ me to the scene? Why are you assuming that as a young woman, I don’t already know about that scene? There is a wider problem of men thinking it’s perfectly fine to sexually proposition people online. It is harassment, especially when you’re bombarded by scores of men saying similar things. It can make you feel unsafe even in your own home.

So charming, much wow

So charming, much wow

This guy had a real issue. He had an attitude problem and then some. I didn’t reply a few times, mainly because I don’t spend all my time on the website and I don’t check it every day. He kept bombarding me with messages and finally thought the best way to get a woman to reply was by swearing in the first line of his next message. Surely if someone hasn’t replied, it’s best to think ‘wow, maybe they have a life which means they’re not replying to fuckboys like me the whole time!’ or ‘maybe they’re busy’? Or even ‘maybe they’re not interested but I won’t push them’. How can he think things are standing anywhere after the stalkerish amount of messages he sent and the swearing? It’s funny how some men think that the world revolves around them and that as women, we are absolutely 100% required to every fuckboy that exists. Wow. Masculinity’s so fragile.

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 4

It’s been a long time coming! I apologise for the severe lack of dating mishaps on my part; I have been swamped with work and other stuff, such as my brother’s wedding (which was pretty epic).

This episode brings a mark of change. For once, there’s more dating and less dickpics. Well, perhaps not dating, but less fuckboy antics.

Less bad behaviour by boys makes me happy

Less bad behaviour by boys makes me happy

So as I mentioned, I went to my brother’s wedding in Italy. I actually ended up travelling the whole day on my birthday so we didn’t really celebrate, although the airline did provide us with champagne during the flight and the hotel we were staying at made us a cake. Anyway, I wasn’t at home with my best friends so I decided to celebrate the day after landing back in London.

Naturally, me and my best friend decided on going clubbing as it’s a common pastime of ours.

Salsa! in London, our favourite haunt

Salsa! in London, our favourite haunt

We headed to our usual spot. The only problem? We were both completely sober when we walked in at around 11pm. My best friend had just gotten off her shift at work and I just hadn’t gotten round to predrinking. We decided to order some cocktails and sit down until we felt the alcohol flowing through our veins. We had to swat off endless amounts of creepy guys whilst we were downing our drink. One middle-aged guy actually took to following my best friend around the night club until I told him where to go.

Whilst we were nursing some drinks at our table, a guy approached us. Immediately, I reckoned he had approached us because he was looking to get in our good books. He introduced himself and didn’t invade our space like the other blokes that night had. I wasn’t attracted to him, though. Physically, he wasn’t my type.

Maluma. Maluma is my type.

Maluma. Maluma is my type.

He wasn’t creepy or particularly threatening like the other guys who had approached us all night so we started talking to him. He was a pretty interesting guy, very funny and well-spoken. I was already starting to like him. He had great ideas and opinions about a range of topics. After staying with us for one drink, he returned to his friends in the VIP area but told us he’d be back to come and chat to us. Sure enough, he did. He bought us drinks and shots whilst we talked some more and then he invited us to the VIP area where me and him really got talking. We struck a really good rapport and something strange happened. Suddenly I was quite attracted to him. Now I’ll admit that I’m very shallow when it comes to liking guys, but I’d spoken to him a lot that night and he just had such a sparkling personality. Sure enough, we kissed. I was just really infatuated with his personality which is something that has never happened before.

Pucker up

Pucker up

We stayed together for the rest of the night until it was time for us to part ways. He tried his best to convince me to go to the after party but I knew it wouldn’t be worth it — I was tired and just wanted to crash on my best friend’s sofa for the night. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye. In less than 10 minutes he rang me to make sure me and my best friend had gotten a taxi okay, which was a very sweet gesture.

We texted pretty much every day since that night for about a week until I decided to delve a little further. After some basic Facebook stalking, I discovered the shocking truth: he was 35.

35.

Bearing in mind I’m only 22, I was pretty freaked out. He didn’t look or act 35 when I met him; I’d assumed he was like 31 at the most. I mean, he’s closer to 40 than 20. He had asked me out on a date but I decided that it was best to nip it in the bud before anything could get out of control on his part. We do text here and there but it’s the basics, like ‘how was your weekend’ etc.

The only mid-30s guy I'd date

The only mid-30s guy I’d date

There is another guy, however. He’s only recently come on the scene. I like him. He’s funny, sweet and he has this whole other sexy side to him which I really didn’t expect. He’s cute as hell. It’s early days yet so I can’t really comment any further. It might just be a flash in the pan, or it might go somewhere. At least he doesn’t think I’m a potato.

And finally, some general points:

  • Someone sent me explicit images via Facebook despite my protestations. I posted it in a public post on Facebook. They took down my post but didn’t suspend the guy’s account or anything. Sexism much? Why was it okay for him to send me those things but when I name and shame, I’m slammed for it?
  • I met Olivier Giroud at work. Solid 10/10. Bit rude but very handsome in real life.
  • I also met Alfie Allen AKA Theon Greyjoy/Reek from Game of Thrones. He’s really tiny in real life. I’m almost certain he’s shorter than me.
  • I’m really sick of people fetishising women of colour.
  • Does Malik think he’s going to get far with lines like ‘provide you sex and happy life if marry’? Who are these randoms on Twitter?
No but srsly, wtf

No but srsly, wtf


Dating and Dickpics: Episode 1

So, as you know, this blog has now become a personal one too. I’d been toying with this idea for a while — a funny, witty memoir of my dating woes. Here’s a little background:

  • I’m 21 years old.
  • I’ve been single for longer than I care to remember.
  • I’ve not had sex in even longer than that.
  • I believe that for me personally, any relationship I get into now that I’m in my 20s should be serious or going somewhere.
  • There are a plethora of fuckboys around.
  • Dating apps/websites can be interesting…but usually, if you state you’re a feminist in your profile because you want to find like-minded people, you will get trolled.
  • I reject guys based on the fact that they want kids in the future or there’s a chance that they might.
Call me the new Bridget Jones...

Call me the new Bridget Jones…

Things have been pretty boring all in all. I did have some excitement, which I’ll fill you in about. I started talking to this charming Greek guy. We got on well, seemed very compatible. I was even willing to compromise on a couple of things because I figured that I can’t have it all, right? Things were going well. He was attractive and charming. We texted all day, every day. We had arranged a date but he was ill so we rescheduled for the following weekend.

Then he started acting like a fucktard.

He played a ‘practical joke’ on me which wasn’t in the slightest bit funny. He told me that he’d lied about his age and that he was actually about to turn 20. I told him I didn’t believe him because he looked a lot older and that yes, it was a dealbreaker — I’m not going to date someone younger than me, especially if they’ve lied about their age. He was so adamant that for a minute I believed it. Then he took a picture of his driving licence and it proved that he was actually going to be 26, as he’d told me when we started talking. I was beyond pissed off. He said he was just a joke, that he hadn’t even found it funny (why the fuck did you do it, then?!) and that he was sorry. I let him stew for a few hours whilst he sent me message after message about how sorry he was and how he was now begging for my forgiveness. When I did message back, he said he was in pain because he thought he’d actually lost me.

can u not

can u not

A few days later, whilst at work (temping), I got a message from him telling me he loved me. Who the fuck says shit like that?! I said he couldn’t because we hadn’t even met. He said he was just ‘testing’ my reaction. That’s beyond fucked up. I told him that I wasn’t interested in him any more. He then got on the defensive; I clearly couldn’t handle a joke (neither of them were funny), how could I judge him after that, clearly there was someone else etc. Hold the fuck up. We hadn’t even been on a date. Even if there was someone else, why would that matter? In the end, I got fed up. I told him he was a fucking psycho and blocked his ass. I found out later that he’d been stalking me on Facebook, a week after I blocked him from sending me texts and whatsapp messages. Lovely.

After that, I started talking to a Welsh chap who lives in the same town as my brother. Nice, I thought. He was a self-proclaimed feminist who never wanted kids. Promising.

Of course, these things never last for long.

Things were going well after we’d exchanged numbers. We enjoyed similar things, talked often and seemingly got on well. Then the cracks appeared.

This all just happened but I felt the need to vent, hence the first installment of ‘Dating and Dickpics’. I’d planned for this series to be written carefully, not in a fit of giving zero fucks.

You'll never catch me on one.

You’ll never catch me on one.

So he claims to be a feminist, which is great. He says he’s read a lot of feminist theory, understands intersectionality etc. Okay, so if you get intersectionality, you should understand what I mean when I say the word ‘cisgender’. He didn’t know what it meant and then refused to admit that he had fallen awry and didn’t know everything there was to know about privilege and intersectionality. He was adamant that the majority of feminists out there have no idea what it means. Mmmmkay, whatever. He couldn’t concede the fact that I knew more than him. He also reeked of not checking his privilege as a white cishet male.

And today? Well, he told me he’s a cyclist. I don’t particularly like cyclists, being a motorist myself. I’m not an asshole motorist though — I always try to walk when I can or take the tube or trains. The thing is, he was trying to convince me that I should abandon the tube because it’s a ‘horrible’ thing and should instead cycle. Everyone is welcome to their opinion, but don’t fucking shove yours down someone else’s throat just because they lead a different way of life or disagree with you. I prefer the tube over Boris bikes. Who died and made that a bloody crime? He couldn’t stop extolling the virtues of cycling and you know what? I told him where to go.

How much do you want to bet he comes crawling back tomorrow? It’s not the first time he has. He did it after refusing to admit he didn’t know something about feminism/privilege/intersectionality.

Basically, it is not endearing when you’re trying to get a date with a woman if you tell her that she must be wrong just because she disagrees with you based on her own experiences in life. It doesn’t pay to be a complete asshat.