Dating and Dickpics: Episode 14

Yeah, I thought Episode 13 would be the last one for a while too.

 

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Disappointed

As you’re reading this, you probably guessed that my last relationship didn’t work out. There were no hard feelings at the end of it but it was disappointing, to say the least. I did learn some important lessons from it though.

  • I didn’t realise until that relationship that finances are very important to me. My significant other needs to earn as much as me or more and they can’t hold back when it comes to spending but at the same time, they shouldn’t waste money. I feel like we fought about money a lot because I’m a generous person and he was rather frugal.
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I love money

  • I really shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. I can make some compromises but I shouldn’t make so many that I find myself defending my significant other to my friends and family because they think I can do better. It got to the point where I was just tired of defending him after a while.
  • I need someone who is really bloody romantic. I want to feel like a queen every damn day I’m with someone. Of course, life gets in the way and they may have their off days, but they better value me.
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You better be doing cute stuff like this or you can get lost

  • I’m stronger than I think and I keep true to my words. I said I’d leave if things didn’t improve and that’s exactly what I did. I cried for a day, picked myself up and moved on.
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I am a queen

I can’t be too harsh on him. He wasn’t ready for a relationship; entering something like that takes a lot of maturity and dedication and I don’t think the timing was right for him. He’s got a lot going on. Also…we were just too different. At first it’s what I really liked, but those differences soon became sources of anger and frustration for me.

So I’m back on the dating scene again! I downloaded all sorts of dating apps all over again but I’ve not had a lot of luck. I guess a lot of men on there can’t handle a woman who knows what she wants and want more than one night. However, it’s not all doom and gloom! I did match with one guy whom I’m getting along quite well with. We both work in media so obviously, we spent the first few messages fangirling over our day jobs. I’m not sure if there’s a spark there as we’ve only conversed via text, but I’ve definitely made a new friend if nothing else.

With help from my best friend (love you!), I did something I never usually do: gave out my number in a club. In all fairness, the guy is really cute and we’ve been messaging, thus proving that sometimes, it really is worthwhile to take a risk.

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Always on my phone

I think the biggest news is that I really like one person in particular. I’ve known him for a few months and he’s bloody lovely. Honestly, he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. We get on really well. Does he like me? No idea. I’ve spoken to a few people about it and they all think that, from what I’ve said, he does. I’ve even kept receipts and pulled them up on my phone to show my best friends and they seem to be convinced he does. I don’t know, I guess we’ll have to watch this space!

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Me whenever my crush texts me

Other than that, nothing is new. I’m making the most of the summer and going out regularly. I’m loving life at the moment — my new job is fantastic and I have the most incredible team (albeit there are only three of us). I’m doing what I love as my job and I couldn’t be happier.

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Dating and Dickpics: Episode 12

As you can tell, my quest for love is still ongoing as we are now into our 12th episode of the tales of my tragic love life.

The past month has seen many different changes and dates. I have a new job which I’m looking forward to starting so I’ve been out and about a fair bit before I settle into the routine of the 9-5 life. I’m also writing a book! That’s the most exciting news, really. It’s going to take me a while but I’m chipping away at it every day. I’m actually shocked at the level of self-discipline I have. I mean, I’ve even held off watching Grey’s Anatomy because I dedicate my afternoons to writing, leaving evenings for watching TV.

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It seems like I do have a story and it’s getting published

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the same luck in my love life. I gave a guy I dated once a second chance…and he blew it. He contacted me recently after going AWOL for a few months. I told him that yes we had chemistry, but I was still unsure about him because he just disappeared and went radio silent for months. He told me he still liked me and wanted to take me out on a date so I agreed. Everything was fine, even up until the night before. We were talking and he was saying just how much he was looking forward to seeing me the next day.

I woke up the next morning feeling positive. He hadn’t called or texted to say he couldn’t make it so the date was still happening. I picked out my outfit, got ready and headed off to the tube station to hop on the next train to King’s Cross. When I was around 10 minutes away from that tube stop, I texted him saying I was on time and I’d meet him at Covent Garden at 3.30pm like we had agreed.

Then shit hit the fan. He texted me, telling me not to ‘leave home’ when I clearly already had. He said he was still at work. I asked what time he was going to finish — if it was a couple of hours, I could easily kill time in a bar or something. No, he was going to finish at 5pm. I told him I could do some shopping and wait until he was ready, then we could just grab dinner and some drinks. He said no, that we should reschedule and he would be too tired and too moody to go on a date after work.

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REALLY?

So let’s get this straight. He knows it takes me an hour to get to King’s Cross. He knew I would leave my house at 2.30pm. He didn’t inform me then that in fact, he couldn’t leave work at 1pm like his boss said he could. He would’ve known by 2.30pm that he was working late and couldn’t make the date. So why didn’t he inform me? I was livid. I’d wasted all that time and make up and he had actually stood me up. I’ve never been stood up in my life. I was so fuming that I was on the verge of tears (I do that annoying angry-cry thing). It was so rude, unacceptable and inconsiderate. I turned around and made my way back home. On my journey, I texted him and told him he shouldn’t dare to contact me again, that he’s a fuckboy and no, we won’t reschedule, because he’s rude and he can go to hell in a handcart. I actually wanted to let go and call him every name under the sun, but I’m too classy for that…somehow.

My mum and brother were super supportive. My brother, who is actually a really chilled out guy, said that he was appalled that I’d been stood up and that he was furious on my behalf. He also said that I should’ve joined him and his wife as they were only a few tube stops away and they would’ve gladly dished out tea and sympathy. However, I knew if I had taken them up on their generous offer, I probably would’ve burst into tears and I really just wanted to go home and get cuddles from my mum instead.

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My mum’s hugs are epic

I also went on a couple of dates with another guy, but that didn’t lead anywhere. Well, that was my decision really. I think that having been on so many first dates, I’ve fine-tuned my list of what I want from a guy and that means making tough decisions and not compromising on anything at all. I have high standards and people often remark that because of said high standards, I’ll probably be alone, but I’d rather be alone than settle for someone who makes me compromise on things that I really can’t compromise on. I still hold out some hope that I may find love, but it may take a lot longer than I thought. I could quite easily date someone who isn’t right for me for the sake of it, but that wouldn’t be fair to the other person. It’s better to be single and continue the search.

There is another man on the cards though. It’s all hush-hush at the moment and I won’t be spilling the tea any time soon. I don’t want to jinx it because this may actually have potential, but we’ll have to see what happens in due course.

In other news:

  • I’ve already started writing my book. It’s going pretty well, if I do say so myself.
  • I’m having a mini-staycation back in Exeter at the end of November (and if any of you are still there, hit me up so we can arrange something). I cannot wait to go back and rediscover my love for that place.
  • Unfortunately, there was a huge fire in Exeter which means I won’t be visiting one of my favourite places there because it’s been burnt down to a cinder. At least I’ll always have the memories.
  • Reminiscing about Exeter has made me realise just how hard it is to get decent cider in London. I’ll be drinking a lot of cider that weekend.
  • I’m working on Halloween so I can’t celebrate it, but I came to the conclusion that if I was celebrating, I’d have dressed up as The Joker.
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This is my aesthetic #goals

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 11

At this point, I wonder if there will ever be a time where I stop writing D&D. I love writing it, but I would love to find…well, love.

I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to fuckboys. The guy I was making heart-eyes over in D&D 10? He was a complete fuckboy. I think he realised after the first date that sex was off the cards completely. He thought he could change my mind about it. For some reason, men seem to think that no matter how strong a woman’s convictions are, they are God’s gift to women and will change her mind somehow. No man is ever that amazing. Even if it was Idris Elba, it wouldn’t happen.

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Sorry Idris. I love you but no sexy time.

So I was back in the dating game once again and I found a man who made everything sound so promising. He wasn’t exactly my type but I’m a believer in giving most people a chance if I find we are compatible enough to get along. He actually met me when I was on a night out with my friends. I’d only told him in passing that I’d had a busy day planned but we’d be in a nightclub that evening if he wanted to join us and to my surprise, he turned up. He was courteous and polite. We spent almost an hour outside the nightclub just talking and getting to know each other. After, we exchanged numbers and texted every day until our first official date. That date went swimmingly well. As did our second date. By the end of our second date, I thought that this guy had potential.

But things are very rarely a fairytale, especially in my life.

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I was kind of rooting for him.

His true colours were revealed on my birthday, ironically. So for my birthday, I was betrayed and lied to. I have to say, I wouldn’t have coped with the aftermath without my amazing friends (you know who you are). I got over it in time, but I think that what hurt more was another betrayal that blindsided me; he quickly became an afterthought and collateral damage in the end.

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Party pooper.

Despite this, I am grateful for both the fuckboy and the I’ll Ruin Your Birthday guy too. They both taught me some lessons, which are:

  • No man is ever worth breaking a promise you made to yourself.
  • Talk is cheap.
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • If a guy suddenly goes silent for more than a day, he’s not into you.
  • It’s easy to say you’re a feminist and believe in equality but your actions will always betray you.
  • Never stay with a man who thinks that talking to other men is a crime.
  • If someone lets you down at the last minute, you’re not their priority, so get rid of them.
  • You never really know someone’s true intentions until it’s too late.

Despite all this drama, I’m still feeling positive. I know I have the love and support of my friends and I couldn’t have picked myself back up without them. I love you guys.

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#SquadGoals

It’s not all doom and gloom though. I’ve decided that I really need to test men out when I date them and not take everything on face value because as I mentioned above, talk is cheap and it’s easy for men to tell you what you want to hear just to get in your pants or take advantage of you in other ways. Looking back, there were many things wrong with Party Pooper guy but I looked past them because he was just so kind and polite and I thought I could compromise. The fact is, I really can’t. I’m bad at compromising when it comes to love and although I used to think that was a flaw, I don’t think it is now. I know what I want and I won’t settle for less because…well, why should I? Why should anyone settle for less?

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Don’t compromise.

I’m excited to announce that I do have a date this coming weekend. I’m looking forward to it because the guy is miles apart from the guys I’ve dated recently. He’s intelligent and very interesting. Hopefully it all goes well and I don’t make a complete embarrassment of myself. But at the moment, I’m not reading much into it. A date is just that — getting together to find out more about each other. And if this doesn’t work out? Onto the next date.

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Bring it on!

 

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 10

I’ve been really busy lately, writing for The Tab on a fellowship that I won so I haven’t had a chance to write here. I was also on a fixed term contract at a company but that ended so I have my life back!  Now I’m back and you just know I had to write D&D Episode 10! I’ve got some absolute gems for you.

There’s obviously been the usual sexual harassment online. I wonder if that will ever stop. I doubt it. For some reason, some men seem to think that if you’re on a dating site or app, it’s fine to sexually harass and intimidate you. In fact, I even received sexual harassment on Twitter, of all places. Some bloke thought he had the God-given right to ask me invasive questions about my sex life. I’m just astounded that there are so many fuckboys. They’re literally everywhere! I don’t even know if I should give them the time of day on D&D. I do tend to hand out some sassy replies though. For example, one guy said he was searching for a woman who loved to be eaten out for ‘the main event’. So I said that I was searching for a man who didn’t spout sexually invasive shit in their messages. He wasn’t happy but he’d pissed me off by writing such foul garbage in the first place. If you piss me off, expect to be dealt a worse hand.

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Fuckboys EVERYWHERE

There was this guy I was texting. We met on Tinder and it seemed to be going well. Tinder is a notoriously rubbish app to use and it has loads of bugs in it so we weren’t always getting notifications when we replied to one another so we decided to swap numbers and take it from there. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. Anyone who knows me knows that I have anxiety and therefore taking phone calls with strangers is really stressful for me. I panic and get anxious so I avoid them at all costs. Of course, if it’s one of my best friends on the other end of the line, I feel comfortable as I have known and loved them for years (shoutout to all of you, you’re the real MVPs). This guy, whom I have never met in my life, thinks that it’s fine to call me up even though I’ve explained that I don’t like answering the phone and that I have anxiety. Anyone who knows what anxiety is, even if they don’t know all about it, knows that people with anxiety tend to have panic attacks. So he was prepared to give me a panic attack because he wanted to call me. Of course, all the alarm bells are ringing at this point. Anyway, he was adamant that he was going to get the bottom of what I was ‘hiding’ because clearly, having anxiety isn’t a good enough reason not to pick up the phone according to him. I said I wasn’t hiding anything and I didn’t think we should meet up because he was clearly paranoid and if he couldn’t accept something as simple as me having anxiety and not being able to speak to essentially a stranger on the phone, this was never going to work out. He cooled off for a bit and then apologised, hoping to win favour with me again. No fucking chance. I told him I was no longer interested, to which he responded that it was fine because…

Because he thought I was ‘born a man’, in his words, and I wasn’t a ‘proper woman’ (because this huge transphobe thinks transwomen are not ‘real women’…after that comment, he really had no fucking chance because I won’t date a transphobe).

So according to him, I wasn’t picking up the phone because I was a born a man. What the hell? That’s absurd. Safe to say I was just so fucking done at that point.

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REALLY?

I love my trans-sisters for sure and I will always stand up for the trans community, but I find it pretty weird that he couldn’t accept my anxiety as the reason that I couldn’t talk on the phone and thought that the clearly logical explanation was that I was a transwoman. Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being trans. Secondly…surely it’s just common decency to give the person the benefit of the doubt and believe what they’re saying is true? Finally, I’m glad I saw his true, transphobic colours because I don’t date assholes who think it’s acceptable to insult people based on their gender. (If anyone was actually wondering, which I highly doubt because my readers are inclusive and awesome, I’m not trans.)

Well, this fine-ass woman (me) actually bagged herself a date with a right fittie. We’d been talking for weeks and we finally went out last weekend. It was so much fun! He’s amazing. I really like him and he really likes me. He’s so handsome, funny and just so much fun to be around. Seriously, I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day and when we said goodbye, I was genuinely sad to be going home. I bumped into a friend on the train home and she noted that I looked like I was high as a kite so I told her all about the date and how incredible he is. He’s so charming. Ugh, I sound like such a fangirl! It’s only been one date but it feels right. I feel like I can be myself around him and I’m really comfortable around him. He’s a great guy. I can’t wait to see him again (that’s happening tomorrow, actually). So maybe this is the beginning of the end of Dating & Dickpics!

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This is genuinely how I felt when I first saw him!

Wish me luck!

  • I’m super excited for tomorrow.
  • Nothing is as good as a gif picture.
  • The weather is lovely and I’d like it to stay like this until the end of summer.
  • I have to start planning my birthday party now that August is just days away and I have no idea where to go or what to do. I do know who I’m inviting though, so that’s one thing at least.
  • If anyone knows of any social media or writing jobs going, do let me know!

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 9

I can’t believe I haven’t written an installment of the prestigious Dating and Dickpics since February. I’m shocked at myself.

Since the chapter of my tragic love life, a lot has happened. There have been interesting developments in my career and I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere.

In my previous installment of D&D, I mentioned that I had a date with someone who propositioned me on Twitter. It was all very innocent as we’d had some banter about having disabilities and football. It all came about because of a show called The Undateables, which airs on Channel 4. As an avid social media user, I couldn’t resist tweeting whilst watching and supposedly, neither could he. Anyway, we seemed to get along so we followed each other on Twitter and pencilled in a date.

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I thought I’d get it…

Our first date was a laugh. We met up in Camden (my usual haunt) and had quite a few cocktails. By all accounts, we got on well. He wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (for one, I expected a deeper voice) but he seemed nice and intelligent. After our first date, we started texting non-stop and arranged another date, but this time nearby his university. I was intrigued because I’d actually applied to UCL for my undergraduate degree but decided to turn it down in favour of Exeter. That date also went swimmingly well. I was beginning to like him quite a bit. We spoke everyday and things were, by all accounts, going well.

Then things got weird, fast. He suddenly maintained a radio silence for a few days. I confronted him about it and told him that rather than playing games, it was just better if he was honest. My suspicions were confirmed: he was avidly trying to blank me. Why? Apparently I’m ‘too much’ and ‘too excitable’. He thought it was fine to be passionate about things, but not to the extent that I was. He didn’t get why the small things in life made me happy. Now, as someone with severe depression, if I didn’t hang on to these little things, I’d probably spend the majority of each day crying my eyes out.

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#depression #mentalhealth

I just couldn’t believe the audacity. You’re blaming me for being…myself? Getting excited about irrelevant stuff like Grey’s Anatomy, pugs and tattoos is just a part of who I am. I was thoroughly offended. When I’ve dated someone and it’s not worked out, it has never been because of my personality. 9/10 times, it’s been because I don’t want kids, or they’re just looking for a side chick. I’ve never had someone complain about what fundamentally makes up my personality.

Another thing I couldn’t quite fathom is why a grown ass man of 30 was trying to avoid me like a teenage boy than be honest and just tell me that he wasn’t interested. And to think the man was doing a Masters…he clearly needs a degree in courtesy more than anything.

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Since that, I haven’t dated much. I haven’t really had the time. I’ve either been working or trying to find work. I’m now working shifts, which makes dating a bit of a minefield. It does, however, mean that I’m more likely to see my best friends as they all work shifts too.

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I did start talking to a guy on a dating app. It seemed like it might go somewhere as we live in the same town, so meeting up wouldn’t be a problem. He seemed decent enough and I was willing to go out on a date with him.

I had just returned from London and received a formal job offer when I got a text from him saying that we should celebrate that very evening. I told him I couldn’t because I was exhausted from a long day and just wanted to stay at home with my mum and celebrate. He was bummed, but let it go. Then he began messaging me about meeting up the next day, which was a Saturday.

Here’s the thing. That Saturday was Eurovision. I haven’t missed a single Eurovision in my life and I wasn’t about to. I’m ever so slightly mad about Eurovision.

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Eurovision > every other day of the year.

So I told him I had pre-made plans and that I wasn’t going to rearrange my plans for a date. We could always do the following Friday as I wasn’t working and I’d be free all afternoon and evening. He wasn’t having it, though. He got all sulky and moody about the fact that I had plans and wasn’t prepared to drop them for someone who is essentially a stranger. He couldn’t get over it. He kept messaging me, saying how disappointed he was, how let down he felt. I was actually livid at this point. You are a stranger. I do not know you. What makes you think that my world revolves around you so much that I’m going to suddenly drop any plans I had just for you? Never mind the fact that he wanted to ‘stay out late’ with me, when I’d made it clear that I don’t like staying out past midnight (unless I’m with my best friends of course — I’m in safe company with them). It all sounded far too creepy for my liking, so I cut him loose. He hasn’t once tried to message me to apologise for his selfish behaviour and to be honest, I’m relieved he hasn’t because I’m sure that if he did apologise, he would somehow try and manipulate the situation for his own gain.

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Of course, I’ve had my dating app/website woes, but I will probably collate those into a Dating and Dickpics 9.5 as there are a lot. It’ll be a picture-heavy post.

  • Why do guys chase you and then go off the grid? This has happened with a suitor who I thought was genuinely interested. Perhaps not.
  • I like the concept of Bumble. It means that you can choose whether or not to talk to the guy you’ve matched with. However, when you do initiate conversation, why don’t they ever reply?
  • I’m fed up of every other man asking me what my ethnicity is. If you want to know, that just means you’re interested in fetishising me, not getting to know me.
  • ‘What that mouth do?’ ‘Lectures you on intersectional feminism.’
  • Everyone hot at my new workplace is either gay or taken.
  • Slowly but surely thinking life as a crazy cat lady would actually be a good future prospect and an increasingly likely one.
  • When is Tom Hiddleston going to just give in and marry me?
  • Coffee is bae.

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 8

Welcome, one and all, to another episode of my tragic love life.

As some of you will know from a brief note in my last column, I went on a date with a really great guy. He’s intelligent, funny and pretty charming. He’s also pretty easy on the eyes, which is always a bonus (and if I’m being honest, a basic requirement). Things are going pretty well between us. We went on another date last week and we basically just chilled out and talked the whole time. We went back to his place after a while and talked for ages until I had to reluctantly make my way home if I had any chance at getting back at my house at a decent, civilised hour. He’s smooth as hell, I’ll tell you that now. He says some of the sweetest stuff. He’s got quite a lot of deadlines so things have cooled off a bit temporarily. I hope it’s just temporary. We seem to have a good time together and we flirt a lot too, so I hope it’s just my anxiety rearing its ugly head and he really does like me.

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My anxiety always makes me doubt my pulling abilities

Other than that, I haven’t really entertained any dates from anyone else because the calibre of men is shocking. There’s no one decent. Case in point: the only reason I went on a date with the guy I’m sort of seeing (or pre-dating) is because he came up with a rather quirky way of asking me out and he’s not a douche. He’s a genuinely nice guy who isn’t after everything. But with most guys, they have an ulterior motive. Call it gut instinct because I’ve been a woman my whole life and have had to deal with a barrage of misogyny and sexism, but I just get certain vibes off certain guys. And when it comes to discerning whether or not someone is a creep, I’m rarely ever wrong.

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My gut instinct is as good as Annalise Keating’s

This wouldn’t be Dating and Dickpics without my usual screenshots and naming and shaming of misogynistic males, so here are the spoils of my plunder, so to speak.

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I don’t even know why anyone would think that this is an acceptable opening line to send anyone. Who has ever said, ‘he asked if I wanted a big black sugar daddy and I knew it was love’?!

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As you all know, feminism is a fundamental part of my life. I believe in feminism so much that I’ve even got the word permanently inked into my skin. I shout it from the rooftops and specify that before messaging me, guys should only bother if they identify as a feminist. So why does this asshole think he has a right to bait anyone out. He’s clearly so ignorant that he couldn’t even be bothered to look up the definition of ‘feminist’, which is someone who believes in the equality of all genders. This stuff is actually more infuriating than people who use cheesy lines or blatantly misogynistic slurs. This guy actually wanted to ‘moan’ about feminism to me. Safe to say I blocked his pathetic ass.

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If you needed any more evidence that sexism is alive and kicking online, there you have it. I’m not being funny, but you have to actually meet up with whoever’s pussy you’re going to ‘murder’ and guess what? Being a misogynistic fuckwit means that’s never going to happen! If any murder needs to be done, it’s to you. A nice decapitation of the neck would do.

fuckedupfuckeduptwiceThe above to screenshots make me sick. This guy was seriously so fucked up and triggering. Alongside putting down that I am a feminist, I also ask guys who want kids not to bother contacting me. I always make it explicitly clear because now I’m in my 20s, I feel that anything I get into should be going somewhere and if a guy wants them, we’re not compatible at all. This guy took it to another level. He messaged me saying ‘we would make cute children if we were together’ but I didn’t take the bait. And he couldn’t take that for a hint and kept messaging me one word here or there. I finally snapped and the above is what he sent me. This is unbelievably triggering for me because he was not respecting my boundaries and was actually thinking that it was fine to think about a hypothetical situation would would be a complete violation of my body. After explaining to him how sick and twisted he was, his response was ‘lol relax’. How can I relax when you’ve basically kept insisting that getting me knocked up would be a perfect situation for you? How can anyone who is so child-phobic ‘relax’ after that? I have reported him to the website and I hope they permanently ban him.

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‘Sorry to be that guy’…well actually, you’re not. Because if you were, you wouldn’t have said it in the first place. What you’ve done is just the equivalent of online catcalling so #byefelipe.

Being a woman on the internet and trying to date and find love is fucking exhausting.

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When will the misogyny stop?!

In other news:

  • I got my hair re-coloured and restyled. It’s very Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy before season 12.
  • I’m applying for jobs like they’re going out of fashion.
  • I’m losing all hope in the male population at this rate. Their only potential beacon of light is this guy I’ve been on two dates with.
  • I don’t think ending up alone would be such a bad thing, given the sorry state of guys on dating websites.
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So done

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 3

Welcome to another installment of Dating and Dickpics. Apologies for not updating the column sooner but I’ve not been in the best health lately. But I am back with more hilarious stories about the woes of online dating.

The past few weeks have mostly provided me with unwarranted sexual harassment. I got a message from a guy who, after saying ‘hi’ to me, asked for sex. Sorry but why do men think that this is an acceptable thing to say just because it’s online? It is, quite frankly, disgusting. You wouldn’t ask a random person on the street for sex, so why do it online?

I spoke to an Italian guy online. It was going alright and he seemed nice enough. Besides, if you speak a foreign language that I speak, you are more likely to get a response because I find it fun to practice my language skills. Then it turned sour, like some mozzarella that had gone off. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what language you speak. It is NOT okay to sexually harass a woman, even in a different language. I am fluent in Italian and I know a hell of a lot of Italian slang, so I knew that he was being sexually explicit in the following message. Ladies, if a guy ever says ‘la tua figa‘, he’s talking about your pussy. He kept saying how much he wanted to do stuff to me. How fucking disgusting! The worst part? When I didn’t reply, he just kept sending sexually explicit messages to my account. I ended up saying ‘sei un pezzo di merda, vaffanculo!’ (great to use if you ever are being sexually harassed by an Italian guy — merda is worse than the F word in Italy) and blocked him.

Bellissima...unlike the chat from the Italian dude

Bellissima…unlike the chat from the Italian dude

As you know now, I do use Tinder. It’s quite fun actually. Anyway, I started talking to this guy who has a big corporate job in central London. All was going well except for a couple of things. He has this think about last minute plans which really pisses me off. About a week ago, he said he was heading to Kingston that very minute; it was around 9pm. I’d already turned down for the night — pyjamas on, wine bottle open and looking forward to a night in with my mum. He then texted me and said ‘I’m going to get drunk in Kingston, come join me’.

Snapshot of my Friday nights at home

Snapshot of my Friday nights at home

Hang on a minute.

  • You’re already on your way to Kingston.
  • You expect me to hop on a train to Kingston when I’m in my pyjamas and not remotely ready to just hop out of my house.
  • We’ve not been talking for long, how can I trust you?
  • You know I don’t live near Kingston — it’s about a 40 minute drive from my house, if not more, so it’s even longer on the train.
  • What happened to common courtesy i.e. forward planning?

He then repeated this the following week, telling me at 10pm on Thursday that we should meet after work on Friday in central London and we could see where the evening takes us. I’m all for spontaneity on dates: I like meeting up at a specific time on a specific day at a specific place. I like advance notice before embarking on a date. I think it’s only polite and courteous to plan something in advance; otherwise it makes the other person feel like they’re a last minute thought and a last minute resort because you have no one else to hang out with. I feel this guy had a complete lack of manners because of the lack of notice. Funnily enough, when I didn’t agree based on the fact that there’s no forward planning, he asked if  was okay/asked if I was having a bad day because he’s ‘never gotten that reaction before’. No, I’m not having a bad day. I just don’t like bad manners. I  think the worst part is that on said Friday after work, it was my mum’s birthday, which I explained to him, yet he expected me to ditch her on her birthday? Also, what’s wrong with having basic standards i.e. someone who likes to give people advance notice for dates?

Furthermore, who the fuck do you think you are? The only people I will drop everything for are my best friends.

I don’t know why guys think dating sites = places to sexually harass women. Some guy my age messaged me and it didn’t seem like a bad thing to talk to him — he said I looked cute and had a cool profile, then proceeded to ask me what my favourite movie was. So in response, I thanked him and told him that my favourite movie was the one, the only: THE GODFATHER.

The Godfather is my favourite movie, of course!

The Godfather is my favourite movie, of course!

Then he went silent for a while (as most of the people on dating websites do). When he replied, he told me that he’d found a girlfriend on the dating website and was wondering if I’d like to partake in a threesome. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Why would that ever be a reasonable thing to ask basically a stranger online? Also, in my basic profile information, it states what I am looking for (dating, friendship, long-term relationship) and that I am straight. Why do guys think girls will make an exception when it comes to sexual preference for them? Why do guys think that all girls must somehow be game for a threesome with another girl? Also, what a fucking cheek. I through everything and the kitchen sink at him and asked how he could ever justify asking anyone that question. His response? ‘We’re both horny’. The fact that he even tried to justify asking someone to join in on sex — someone who is a complete stranger, who thought you were a nice person and not a fucking pervert — is beyond despicable. If you want someone to toss into your sex life, get a prostitute. It’s not hard. Asking someone who is not a sex worker for sexual favours online is never acceptable and yes, it IS harassment.

There just seems to be a plethora of weird (not in a good way) men and men who have no sense of what is appropriate or not online. I had one guy who was 43 message me (my profile says ‘looking for men aged 21 – 31) and he asked if I would like to meet up for him to give me up to £1000 cash with no strings attached. I told him that evidently, from my profile, this is not what I was looking for and I do not entertain sugar daddies at all. He then got offended and told me ‘not to judge so quickly’ and then blocked me. Apparently, calling a spade a spade doesn’t go down too well.

You can't buy me, bitch

You can’t buy me, bitch

 Another guy was much like Mr ‘What’s Your Favourite Movie’. The conversation started off okay and the guy was good looking so I replied. He asked what I was looking for so I said ‘friendship/dating and then if anything develops, a relationship’. As you all know by now, I am very open and honest. He then asked, despite knowing the answer based on what I said I was looking for, if I liked ‘to enjoy sex and have fun’ i.e. would I sleep with him? Call me old fashioned but isn’t it best to say something along the lines of ‘okay I’m looking for sex so we’re clearly not looking for the same thing, so bye’ and not to ask intrusive, invasive questions? If you know the person is looking for something serious and you just want sex, it’s better not to push the matter further. Where are the goddamn manners in our generation? Why do men just jump straight to sex questions, especially on a dating site where they can view a profile which in the first sentence says what you’re looking for? There seems to be a clear lack of respect for women on dating sites and inherent misogynistic attitudes from the majority of men on there. There’s definite everyday sexism present online.

Fuckboys piss me off

Fuckboys piss me off

Other shit that went down in the past couple of weeks:

  • One guy said he believes men and women should be equal but he refuses to call himself a feminist…did he realise he just proved why we need feminism in the first place? He said he felt he was frowned upon one time he went to a feminist debate. Perhaps because in that setting, a white cishet man’s voice wasn’t the dominant one? Doesn’t feel fun, does it? Try being a WoC; it’s like that every day for me. White cishet men dominate most spaces I try to participate in and I just get frowned upon. When I put him in his place about all this, he ran off and cried some male tears because he didn’t reply to me. If you’re going to try and have an intellectual discussion with me, at least admit your shortcomings.
  • That Greek guy we met in Episode 1? He matched with me on Tinder. I didn’t know whether or not to swipe right but I did because it was just too coincidental. Pobrecito thinks I’ll go on a date with him. He’s still a psycho ass bitch, so that’s not happening.
  • Some guy looked at my profile and tried typing out dodgy ass Spanish to me to get a reply from me. It did not work.
You won't charm me in Spanish unless you take tips from Romeo Santos

You won’t charm me in Spanish unless you take tips from Romeo Santos