Dating and Dickpics: Episode 14

Yeah, I thought Episode 13 would be the last one for a while too.

 

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Disappointed

As you’re reading this, you probably guessed that my last relationship didn’t work out. There were no hard feelings at the end of it but it was disappointing, to say the least. I did learn some important lessons from it though.

  • I didn’t realise until that relationship that finances are very important to me. My significant other needs to earn as much as me or more and they can’t hold back when it comes to spending but at the same time, they shouldn’t waste money. I feel like we fought about money a lot because I’m a generous person and he was rather frugal.
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I love money

  • I really shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. I can make some compromises but I shouldn’t make so many that I find myself defending my significant other to my friends and family because they think I can do better. It got to the point where I was just tired of defending him after a while.
  • I need someone who is really bloody romantic. I want to feel like a queen every damn day I’m with someone. Of course, life gets in the way and they may have their off days, but they better value me.
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You better be doing cute stuff like this or you can get lost

  • I’m stronger than I think and I keep true to my words. I said I’d leave if things didn’t improve and that’s exactly what I did. I cried for a day, picked myself up and moved on.
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I am a queen

I can’t be too harsh on him. He wasn’t ready for a relationship; entering something like that takes a lot of maturity and dedication and I don’t think the timing was right for him. He’s got a lot going on. Also…we were just too different. At first it’s what I really liked, but those differences soon became sources of anger and frustration for me.

So I’m back on the dating scene again! I downloaded all sorts of dating apps all over again but I’ve not had a lot of luck. I guess a lot of men on there can’t handle a woman who knows what she wants and want more than one night. However, it’s not all doom and gloom! I did match with one guy whom I’m getting along quite well with. We both work in media so obviously, we spent the first few messages fangirling over our day jobs. I’m not sure if there’s a spark there as we’ve only conversed via text, but I’ve definitely made a new friend if nothing else.

With help from my best friend (love you!), I did something I never usually do: gave out my number in a club. In all fairness, the guy is really cute and we’ve been messaging, thus proving that sometimes, it really is worthwhile to take a risk.

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Always on my phone

I think the biggest news is that I really like one person in particular. I’ve known him for a few months and he’s bloody lovely. Honestly, he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. We get on really well. Does he like me? No idea. I’ve spoken to a few people about it and they all think that, from what I’ve said, he does. I’ve even kept receipts and pulled them up on my phone to show my best friends and they seem to be convinced he does. I don’t know, I guess we’ll have to watch this space!

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Me whenever my crush texts me

Other than that, nothing is new. I’m making the most of the summer and going out regularly. I’m loving life at the moment — my new job is fantastic and I have the most incredible team (albeit there are only three of us). I’m doing what I love as my job and I couldn’t be happier.

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Dear Fuckboy

Dear Fuckboy,

I really thought everything was going well. We’d been talking for well over a month and we had that spark that I’d been missing with everyone else I’d spoken to. I finally had the courage to put myself out there after so long; I’ve been bitten more times than I care to remember and I was so shy as a result. But you seemed worth it. The banter was great and your texts always made me smile. I remember being frightfully nervous just before our first date. I was panicking on the train to Covent Garden where we planned to meet.

Our date couldn’t have gone better. I remember, in between giggles and sips of cocktails, thinking ‘this is the best date I’ve been on’. You were exactly what you had promised you’d be: you were funny, charming and a good conversationalist. I went home that evening on cloud nine. We texted each other when we got home to see if we’d both reached safely and you told me you had a great time.

The next week was more of the same. We relayed sweet and silly texts to one another, both dreaming about our next date the following weekend.

Then something happened. Something happened and you never gave an explanation. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, believing that you’re ill or busy, so I let it slide. You had told me you were unwell previously so I texted to see if you were okay as I was worried. You told me you were fine and that I needn’t worry about you. So I didn’t.

Then I texted you the following day, asking how it was going as you were ill and presumably at work. I didn’t get a reply all day. After hours of overthinking (thanks to my anxiety, which you know I have), I decided to give in and ask if you if you were no longer interested in me, because that was how it was feeling considering you had been online and waved it around in my face, read my text and not replied. I somehow went to bed and fell asleep, with some false hope that you would’ve replied that morning. Pretty much everyone around me was saying that you’d lost interest because you don’t read someone’s texts and not reply for the whole day.

The next morning came. The only texts I had received were from my best friends. I texted you to tell you that I got it, it’s over, but you could’ve had the decency to tell me. You read that message and didn’t dignify it with a response.

For someone who is older than me, I have to applaud just how mature you behaved! Maturity is, after all, ignoring someone you asked to be your girlfriend the week before. Maturity is not clearly stating that you were no longer interested. Maturity is leading a woman on for over a month and then opting for radio silence.

You told me you were different. You begged me for a chance, for a date. You promised you were different from all the rest, that you meant what you said, that you would never lie. You promised that you’d never hurt me.

Really, you were exactly like the others. In fact, you were worse, because other fuckboys never lied to me like you did.

So goodbye, dear fuckboy. Thanks for diminishing my trust in men just that little bit more. Thanks for making me second-guess everything the next man who tries to date me says and does. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not worth someone’s time. Thanks for making me believe that finding a genuine, good man is just a myth.

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 8

Welcome, one and all, to another episode of my tragic love life.

As some of you will know from a brief note in my last column, I went on a date with a really great guy. He’s intelligent, funny and pretty charming. He’s also pretty easy on the eyes, which is always a bonus (and if I’m being honest, a basic requirement). Things are going pretty well between us. We went on another date last week and we basically just chilled out and talked the whole time. We went back to his place after a while and talked for ages until I had to reluctantly make my way home if I had any chance at getting back at my house at a decent, civilised hour. He’s smooth as hell, I’ll tell you that now. He says some of the sweetest stuff. He’s got quite a lot of deadlines so things have cooled off a bit temporarily. I hope it’s just temporary. We seem to have a good time together and we flirt a lot too, so I hope it’s just my anxiety rearing its ugly head and he really does like me.

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My anxiety always makes me doubt my pulling abilities

Other than that, I haven’t really entertained any dates from anyone else because the calibre of men is shocking. There’s no one decent. Case in point: the only reason I went on a date with the guy I’m sort of seeing (or pre-dating) is because he came up with a rather quirky way of asking me out and he’s not a douche. He’s a genuinely nice guy who isn’t after everything. But with most guys, they have an ulterior motive. Call it gut instinct because I’ve been a woman my whole life and have had to deal with a barrage of misogyny and sexism, but I just get certain vibes off certain guys. And when it comes to discerning whether or not someone is a creep, I’m rarely ever wrong.

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My gut instinct is as good as Annalise Keating’s

This wouldn’t be Dating and Dickpics without my usual screenshots and naming and shaming of misogynistic males, so here are the spoils of my plunder, so to speak.

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I don’t even know why anyone would think that this is an acceptable opening line to send anyone. Who has ever said, ‘he asked if I wanted a big black sugar daddy and I knew it was love’?!

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As you all know, feminism is a fundamental part of my life. I believe in feminism so much that I’ve even got the word permanently inked into my skin. I shout it from the rooftops and specify that before messaging me, guys should only bother if they identify as a feminist. So why does this asshole think he has a right to bait anyone out. He’s clearly so ignorant that he couldn’t even be bothered to look up the definition of ‘feminist’, which is someone who believes in the equality of all genders. This stuff is actually more infuriating than people who use cheesy lines or blatantly misogynistic slurs. This guy actually wanted to ‘moan’ about feminism to me. Safe to say I blocked his pathetic ass.

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If you needed any more evidence that sexism is alive and kicking online, there you have it. I’m not being funny, but you have to actually meet up with whoever’s pussy you’re going to ‘murder’ and guess what? Being a misogynistic fuckwit means that’s never going to happen! If any murder needs to be done, it’s to you. A nice decapitation of the neck would do.

fuckedupfuckeduptwiceThe above to screenshots make me sick. This guy was seriously so fucked up and triggering. Alongside putting down that I am a feminist, I also ask guys who want kids not to bother contacting me. I always make it explicitly clear because now I’m in my 20s, I feel that anything I get into should be going somewhere and if a guy wants them, we’re not compatible at all. This guy took it to another level. He messaged me saying ‘we would make cute children if we were together’ but I didn’t take the bait. And he couldn’t take that for a hint and kept messaging me one word here or there. I finally snapped and the above is what he sent me. This is unbelievably triggering for me because he was not respecting my boundaries and was actually thinking that it was fine to think about a hypothetical situation would would be a complete violation of my body. After explaining to him how sick and twisted he was, his response was ‘lol relax’. How can I relax when you’ve basically kept insisting that getting me knocked up would be a perfect situation for you? How can anyone who is so child-phobic ‘relax’ after that? I have reported him to the website and I hope they permanently ban him.

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‘Sorry to be that guy’…well actually, you’re not. Because if you were, you wouldn’t have said it in the first place. What you’ve done is just the equivalent of online catcalling so #byefelipe.

Being a woman on the internet and trying to date and find love is fucking exhausting.

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When will the misogyny stop?!

In other news:

  • I got my hair re-coloured and restyled. It’s very Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy before season 12.
  • I’m applying for jobs like they’re going out of fashion.
  • I’m losing all hope in the male population at this rate. Their only potential beacon of light is this guy I’ve been on two dates with.
  • I don’t think ending up alone would be such a bad thing, given the sorry state of guys on dating websites.
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So done

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 1

So, as you know, this blog has now become a personal one too. I’d been toying with this idea for a while — a funny, witty memoir of my dating woes. Here’s a little background:

  • I’m 21 years old.
  • I’ve been single for longer than I care to remember.
  • I’ve not had sex in even longer than that.
  • I believe that for me personally, any relationship I get into now that I’m in my 20s should be serious or going somewhere.
  • There are a plethora of fuckboys around.
  • Dating apps/websites can be interesting…but usually, if you state you’re a feminist in your profile because you want to find like-minded people, you will get trolled.
  • I reject guys based on the fact that they want kids in the future or there’s a chance that they might.
Call me the new Bridget Jones...

Call me the new Bridget Jones…

Things have been pretty boring all in all. I did have some excitement, which I’ll fill you in about. I started talking to this charming Greek guy. We got on well, seemed very compatible. I was even willing to compromise on a couple of things because I figured that I can’t have it all, right? Things were going well. He was attractive and charming. We texted all day, every day. We had arranged a date but he was ill so we rescheduled for the following weekend.

Then he started acting like a fucktard.

He played a ‘practical joke’ on me which wasn’t in the slightest bit funny. He told me that he’d lied about his age and that he was actually about to turn 20. I told him I didn’t believe him because he looked a lot older and that yes, it was a dealbreaker — I’m not going to date someone younger than me, especially if they’ve lied about their age. He was so adamant that for a minute I believed it. Then he took a picture of his driving licence and it proved that he was actually going to be 26, as he’d told me when we started talking. I was beyond pissed off. He said he was just a joke, that he hadn’t even found it funny (why the fuck did you do it, then?!) and that he was sorry. I let him stew for a few hours whilst he sent me message after message about how sorry he was and how he was now begging for my forgiveness. When I did message back, he said he was in pain because he thought he’d actually lost me.

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can u not

A few days later, whilst at work (temping), I got a message from him telling me he loved me. Who the fuck says shit like that?! I said he couldn’t because we hadn’t even met. He said he was just ‘testing’ my reaction. That’s beyond fucked up. I told him that I wasn’t interested in him any more. He then got on the defensive; I clearly couldn’t handle a joke (neither of them were funny), how could I judge him after that, clearly there was someone else etc. Hold the fuck up. We hadn’t even been on a date. Even if there was someone else, why would that matter? In the end, I got fed up. I told him he was a fucking psycho and blocked his ass. I found out later that he’d been stalking me on Facebook, a week after I blocked him from sending me texts and whatsapp messages. Lovely.

After that, I started talking to a Welsh chap who lives in the same town as my brother. Nice, I thought. He was a self-proclaimed feminist who never wanted kids. Promising.

Of course, these things never last for long.

Things were going well after we’d exchanged numbers. We enjoyed similar things, talked often and seemingly got on well. Then the cracks appeared.

This all just happened but I felt the need to vent, hence the first installment of ‘Dating and Dickpics’. I’d planned for this series to be written carefully, not in a fit of giving zero fucks.

You'll never catch me on one.

You’ll never catch me on one.

So he claims to be a feminist, which is great. He says he’s read a lot of feminist theory, understands intersectionality etc. Okay, so if you get intersectionality, you should understand what I mean when I say the word ‘cisgender’. He didn’t know what it meant and then refused to admit that he had fallen awry and didn’t know everything there was to know about privilege and intersectionality. He was adamant that the majority of feminists out there have no idea what it means. Mmmmkay, whatever. He couldn’t concede the fact that I knew more than him. He also reeked of not checking his privilege as a white cishet male.

And today? Well, he told me he’s a cyclist. I don’t particularly like cyclists, being a motorist myself. I’m not an asshole motorist though — I always try to walk when I can or take the tube or trains. The thing is, he was trying to convince me that I should abandon the tube because it’s a ‘horrible’ thing and should instead cycle. Everyone is welcome to their opinion, but don’t fucking shove yours down someone else’s throat just because they lead a different way of life or disagree with you. I prefer the tube over Boris bikes. Who died and made that a bloody crime? He couldn’t stop extolling the virtues of cycling and you know what? I told him where to go.

How much do you want to bet he comes crawling back tomorrow? It’s not the first time he has. He did it after refusing to admit he didn’t know something about feminism/privilege/intersectionality.

Basically, it is not endearing when you’re trying to get a date with a woman if you tell her that she must be wrong just because she disagrees with you based on her own experiences in life. It doesn’t pay to be a complete asshat.