Dating and Dickpics: Episode 9

I can’t believe I haven’t written an installment of the prestigious Dating and Dickpics since February. I’m shocked at myself.

Since the chapter of my tragic love life, a lot has happened. There have been interesting developments in my career and I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere.

In my previous installment of D&D, I mentioned that I had a date with someone who propositioned me on Twitter. It was all very innocent as we’d had some banter about having disabilities and football. It all came about because of a show called The Undateables, which airs on Channel 4. As an avid social media user, I couldn’t resist tweeting whilst watching and supposedly, neither could he. Anyway, we seemed to get along so we followed each other on Twitter and pencilled in a date.


I thought I’d get it…

Our first date was a laugh. We met up in Camden (my usual haunt) and had quite a few cocktails. By all accounts, we got on well. He wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (for one, I expected a deeper voice) but he seemed nice and intelligent. After our first date, we started texting non-stop and arranged another date, but this time nearby his university. I was intrigued because I’d actually applied to UCL for my undergraduate degree but decided to turn it down in favour of Exeter. That date also went swimmingly well. I was beginning to like him quite a bit. We spoke everyday and things were, by all accounts, going well.

Then things got weird, fast. He suddenly maintained a radio silence for a few days. I confronted him about it and told him that rather than playing games, it was just better if he was honest. My suspicions were confirmed: he was avidly trying to blank me. Why? Apparently I’m ‘too much’ and ‘too excitable’. He thought it was fine to be passionate about things, but not to the extent that I was. He didn’t get why the small things in life made me happy. Now, as someone with severe depression, if I didn’t hang on to these little things, I’d probably spend the majority of each day crying my eyes out.


#depression #mentalhealth

I just couldn’t believe the audacity. You’re blaming me for being…myself? Getting excited about irrelevant stuff like Grey’s Anatomy, pugs and tattoos is just a part of who I am. I was thoroughly offended. When I’ve dated someone and it’s not worked out, it has never been because of my personality. 9/10 times, it’s been because I don’t want kids, or they’re just looking for a side chick. I’ve never had someone complain about what fundamentally makes up my personality.

Another thing I couldn’t quite fathom is why a grown ass man of 30 was trying to avoid me like a teenage boy than be honest and just tell me that he wasn’t interested. And to think the man was doing a Masters…he clearly needs a degree in courtesy more than anything.


Since that, I haven’t dated much. I haven’t really had the time. I’ve either been working or trying to find work. I’m now working shifts, which makes dating a bit of a minefield. It does, however, mean that I’m more likely to see my best friends as they all work shifts too.


I did start talking to a guy on a dating app. It seemed like it might go somewhere as we live in the same town, so meeting up wouldn’t be a problem. He seemed decent enough and I was willing to go out on a date with him.

I had just returned from London and received a formal job offer when I got a text from him saying that we should celebrate that very evening. I told him I couldn’t because I was exhausted from a long day and just wanted to stay at home with my mum and celebrate. He was bummed, but let it go. Then he began messaging me about meeting up the next day, which was a Saturday.

Here’s the thing. That Saturday was Eurovision. I haven’t missed a single Eurovision in my life and I wasn’t about to. I’m ever so slightly mad about Eurovision.


Eurovision > every other day of the year.

So I told him I had pre-made plans and that I wasn’t going to rearrange my plans for a date. We could always do the following Friday as I wasn’t working and I’d be free all afternoon and evening. He wasn’t having it, though. He got all sulky and moody about the fact that I had plans and wasn’t prepared to drop them for someone who is essentially a stranger. He couldn’t get over it. He kept messaging me, saying how disappointed he was, how let down he felt. I was actually livid at this point. You are a stranger. I do not know you. What makes you think that my world revolves around you so much that I’m going to suddenly drop any plans I had just for you? Never mind the fact that he wanted to ‘stay out late’ with me, when I’d made it clear that I don’t like staying out past midnight (unless I’m with my best friends of course — I’m in safe company with them). It all sounded far too creepy for my liking, so I cut him loose. He hasn’t once tried to message me to apologise for his selfish behaviour and to be honest, I’m relieved he hasn’t because I’m sure that if he did apologise, he would somehow try and manipulate the situation for his own gain.


Of course, I’ve had my dating app/website woes, but I will probably collate those into a Dating and Dickpics 9.5 as there are a lot. It’ll be a picture-heavy post.

  • Why do guys chase you and then go off the grid? This has happened with a suitor who I thought was genuinely interested. Perhaps not.
  • I like the concept of Bumble. It means that you can choose whether or not to talk to the guy you’ve matched with. However, when you do initiate conversation, why don’t they ever reply?
  • I’m fed up of every other man asking me what my ethnicity is. If you want to know, that just means you’re interested in fetishising me, not getting to know me.
  • ‘What that mouth do?’ ‘Lectures you on intersectional feminism.’
  • Everyone hot at my new workplace is either gay or taken.
  • Slowly but surely thinking life as a crazy cat lady would actually be a good future prospect and an increasingly likely one.
  • When is Tom Hiddleston going to just give in and marry me?
  • Coffee is bae.


Just a quick update as I haven’t written in a while. My depression has been pretty bad so I haven’t felt like writing but I’m going to see my doctor next week so we can see what needs to be changed. I probably need a higher dose of my antidepressants or a change of antidepressants. Either way, it’s going to be under control and I need to just focus on that.


I’m also seeing my squad next week and I can’t wait. Friends really do make everything better and I’m lucky enough to have some of the best friends in the world! Undoubtedly, they will cheer me up immensely.

I’m sure my mood will improve (I’m trying to be optimistic about things) so I will get writing soon.


Other bits and pieces:

  • My mum is honestly Superwoman. She’s so supportive and lovely. I absolutely adore her.
  • The guy I had a few dates with ended up being really immature and a complete *insert expletive here*. I’ll go into detail in the next episode of D&D.
  • I’ve noticed that there are some people in my life who I can’t get rid of and they’re extremely toxic and will start an argument for absolutely no reason over something completely trivial.
  • I’m excited about St Patrick’s Day even though I’m not Irish.

Another Update

My life has been pretty hectic over the festive period and I can’t say it’s calming down any time soon, which is largely a good thing. Here’s what’s happening with me at the moment.

  • I am working on a couple of articles that will be posted here, so stay tuned.
  • I am also starting a Sex & Relationships set of articles/column. One of the aforementioned articles will be classified under this set.
  • I started seeing someone and it didn’t work out but now we’re in a bit of a limbo. Whatever it is, I’m enjoying it and I’m trying not to worry about it. I’m just going with the flow, for once.
  • People seem to come to me for advice despite me being the least qualified to give it.
  • Dating sites are awful. I downloaded Tinder (again) and I didn’t swipe right on anyone! Other sites are just as bad. There’s just no one decent.
  • I’m reading a really good feminist book called Unspeakable Things by Laurie Penny. I highly recommend it. It was actually a Christmas present and I just had to get reading it immediately. It’s concise, easily accessible and challenges everything you thought you knew.

Watch this space for more articles and updates!

Quick Update

Apologies for not posting much lately but things have been extremely busy and hectic around here.

  • I’m job-hunting which is taking up a great deal of my time.
  • Christmas preparations mean there is no time to relax — I’m sure you all feel my pain there.
  • I’m taking an online course on Psychology over at Coursera (I thoroughly recommend going on the website, they have thousands of free online courses and you can walk away with a certificate in whatever discipline you choose).

I do have a couple of articles coming up during the Christmas holidays on here so keep your eyes peeled! They may even hit the blog before schedule.

Millie x

The Grim Realities of Graduate Life

Once upon a time, graduating with a degree from university seemed to be sure-fire way to start a long and prosperous career. The idea of university was sold as the place to go to further your academic curiosity and as a gateway to a solid, steady job.

If only this fairy-tale was still true.

I graduated in July last year, all fresh-faced and excited about what graduate life would bring. Throughout my final year at university, I applied for several grad schemes but didn’t land any. Still, I had high hopes due to my degree in Languages. After all, people are always popping up on the news saying that there aren’t enough multilingual people in certain industries. I was sure that it was only a matter of time before someone gave me a break so that I could prove that I was worthy of a job.

Want to read the whole article? Click here!

50 Shades of Nope

Yes, this is going to be another piece about that infamous franchise 50 Shades of Grey. The book has now been adapted into a movie, hitting cinemas on the weekend of Valentines Day, ironically. Justifiably, it has created furor among both fans and those who hate it.

I say that it’s ironic that the film has been released for Valentines Day because it is anything but romantic. The whole franchise romanticises what is quite clearly abuse. A friend recommended I read the book when it first hit the shelves and lent me her copy. I read it with disgust. She was oblivious connotations and actually fantasised about the day she would met someone like Christian Grey. For me, that book was a warning and Grey repulsed me as I read it.

I have dabbled in kink and BDSM before and neither of the two are anything new to me. 50 Shades of Grey is basically a book/movie written by an ignorant asshole who knows absolutely nothing about real BDSM. I’m outraged about the implications of the book. Let me clarify some things that need to be said by someone who was involved in BDSM before:

  • Enjoying BDSM is a completely normal thing.
  • We are not damaged. BDSM isn’t something you do because you’ve been abused and would like to then go and abuse someone.
  • BDSM is not about abuse either. It’s about enhancing a sexual experience (although sex does not have to happen in order for BDSM to happen).
  • The sub has rights. When they say ‘stop’ or a safe word (which will be previously discussed with the dom), the dom STOPS. Just stops exactly what they are doing. They don’t ignore it like Grey does towards the end of the book/film and continue to do something that Anastasia has clearly said no to.
  • We respect consent. We love consent.
  • Real BDSM isn’t about contracts. It’s not a bloody job or anything where you have to sign stuff. It’s about a lot of discussion and respecting each other’s wishes and boundaries.

Christian Grey is controlling and abusive. He is not romantic. He is not a person that people should admire or wish they could be with. He is dominating — and not in a good way. He forces Anastasia to eat and forces her to do things she does not want to throughout the book. What kind of sane person forces someone to eat and actually writes down rules in a contract about that person’s diet? You would never hear of this in a real BDSM relationship. Most BDSM relationships only observe control in the bedroom and, believe it or not, the sub has most of the power.

It seems as though Anastasia isn’t even allowed to have friends. Grey controls that aspect of her life too. Yes, one of her friends fancies her. But can’t she just be friends with him and make it clear that she’s with someone else? Why does Grey have to assert himself in that situation? Also, how messed up is it if he doesn’t like her having friends of the opposite sex?

Anastasia is a flawed character in herself. She is weak. She is unhealthily obsessed with Grey. When she’s not with him, she is overanalysing everything about him and her, fantasising about him all the time. Does she not see that there’s more to life than Christian Grey? Talk about putting feminism back about 100 years. Saying that, what is to be expected from a book that was originally Twilight fanfiction? Twilight is dangerous; it teaches you that if your boyfriend leaves you, you should jump off a cliff and stop being a person, just become a shell. I’m shocked how either book became a success and then had movies based on them.

The suggestions and implications of 50 Shades of Grey are disgusting. People defend the plot by saying that Grey does this to Anastasia because he was abused when he was younger. The implication being that if you like BDSM, it’s because you were abused. Great. Now the whole BDSM community is being tarnished with the same brush when really, that’s not true at all. The other implication is that to enjoy BDSM, you must be damaged. Another outrageous generalisation. The truth is that neither of these apply in real life. People like BDSM just because they do. It’s like liking mushrooms or not liking mushrooms. It’s a preference. It has no significance other than people like it.

I could go on for hours about how wrong 50 Shades of Grey is. I admit that in this post, my emotions have gotten the better of me and this isn’t written as well as it should be. I am just livid that this book, which should be banished, has been made into a movie, making the author even richer and making people think that this is what BDSM is really like and that women everywhere should just continue to be with someone who ignores it when they remove consent and downright controls and abuses them.

If you decide to watch this movie, consider yourself disowned.