2017 Wrap

I’m honestly awful at updating this blog. One of my (many) New Year’s resolutions is to blog here at least twice a month, if not more. Things haven’t been great recently because I’ve been stressed but I’m working on that and I’m approaching 2018 with a positive frame of mind. So before 2018, here’s a summary of everything that happened in 2017.

Premature Christmas

Is it me or does Christmas start earlier each year? I genuinely think people start running Christmas campaigns during mid-September – they certainly did this year. At least wait until Halloween is over, you heathens!

I really relate to The Grinch.

Finland

For the first time in my life, I went solo-travelling to Helsinki, Finland. I went in September because I can’t stand the cold and to be fair, the temperatures were quite mild. Definitely needed a jacket or small coat, but pleasant and actually pretty sunny most days. Helsinki is beautiful and I hope to return there one day…just not by myself. I don’t know why but even in super-safe countries and cities, people think it’s absolutely fine to catcall and harass you if you’re a lone female walking around town. I kind of don’t ever want to go solo-travelling ever again now. On the plus side, it was a relaxing yet productive break, I got to experience a different culture and even picked up some Finnish along the way!

Moomins are a BIG deal in Finland. So is alcohol. And design.

My Birthday

I turned 24 this year. Yeah, I’m bewildered that I made it this far too. I thought I’d stop ageing at like…22. I’m going to be 25 next year and officially in my mid-twenties and the thought is slightly terrifying.

Joey capturing all of my feels.

Resolutions

It would be rude of me to mention resolutions in my first paragraph and then not list them further down. Here they are:

• Lose weight and tone up. I’ve already started that so there’s just a bit more to go before I feel good.
• Travel somewhere I’ve never been before.
• Blog on here more.

Up for taking any suggestions as well.

NYE is going to be lit AF.

Love

I can’t talk about 2017 without mentioning love and it would be weird if I didn’t mention it considering a lot of my blog posts have been about my tumultuous love life. 2017 was great. I broke up with someone and whilst that was negative, it taught me what I can and can’t handle in a relationship. Somewhat unexpectedly, I got involved with someone else a few weeks after and I can safely say that I’ve met my soulmate. So 2017 was really a tale of two halves. The first half was rubbish. The second half introduced me to the love of my life and I’ve never been happier! Here’s to the first of many years together. I’ve seriously never loved someone so much. He really is my world. I get butterflies every time I see him!

It’s love! (He also got me into watching The Office)

2018 Predictions

Obviously, no one can predict what may or may not happen, but I’m going into 2018 with a positive attitude (or at least, positive by my standards).

I’m absolutely going on a summer holiday and I have a shortlist, so it’s just a case of deciding where to go. I might also do a long weekend break somewhere as well. Before that, I hope to achieve my fitness goals so I don’t feel self-conscious if I’m parading around in a bikini on the beach. It’s a long time coming and I’ve done the hardest part, which is starting and maintaining a fairly consistent exercise routine. Now, it’s just the final stretch.

Apart from improving my fitness, I’d like to perhaps pick up another language or skill. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of my free time this year and I’d like some of it to go towards doing something productive.

Whatever 2018 brings, I hope it’s a good one for you all. And watch out for another blog post soon – why wait to bring in the New Year to start one of my resolutions?

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 15

This one isn’t following the usual pattern of Dating and Dickpics, namely because of the unexpected news of the season: I have a boyfriend.

That’s right, I have a boyfriend. It’s still a novelty to tell people ‘I’m in a relationship’ and I’m not going to lie, changing my relationship status on Facebook was incredibly satisfying.

Remember the sweet guy I mentioned last time? I ended up telling him how I felt, he said he felt the same but we should take it slow…so that’s exactly what we did. And here we are now, in a relationship and being as cute as hell. We’re cheesy, cute and charming and we love it. Honestly, he’s the best guy I’ve dated. I’ve never been with someone so wonderful. He’s so thoughtful and he makes me smile so much that my cheeks hurt.

Snapshot of what me and bae are like together

This has been going on for a couple of months now, so I decided to do the decent thing and come clean to my dad. For those of you who are unaware, my dad is liberal but with a catch. The catch being that he can’t help but conform to the patriarchal stereotype of an overprotective dad. You see it all the time in popular culture – dads are there to scare off their daughter’s partners, be overprotective and warn their daughters about the ‘dangers of dating’. Sure, he’s ‘modern’ in the sense that I can do whatever I want, but when it comes to dating, having a boyfriend and doing other things, it’s something he’ll never quite accept. A self-proclaimed feminist, he’s all for the women in his family doing what the men do and he’s always told me that I can achieve anything, irrespective of my gender, so he’s never held me back because I’m a woman. But mention me dating guys and it’s like a red rag to a bull! He doesn’t get angry, but it went down a little like this.

‘Hey dad, you know how you said you wanted me and my brother to see you not just as a dad, but as a friend? I’m taking you up on that offer. I have some news.’

After this little introduction, my dad is like this:

I’m listening, tell me more…

‘I have a boyfriend. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. I’m not going to tell you everything about him because I don’t want to jinx it, but you’ll meet him after six months or so.’

My dad’s facial expression then took a turn for the worse…

I need a drink to deal with this.

So he took a sip of his drink. I was all ‘ah yes, my boyfriend is lovely, we’re taking it slow, we’re not doing any tings, he makes me really happy etc.’ thinking that it would ease his mind.

He reacted like this:

Millie, please stop talking. I don’t want to hear this shit.

My mum (who is a certified babe) tried to jump in and help me out by asking if my dad wanted to know anything specifically about my boyfriend or would like to meet him earlier. My dad finally broke his silence (he had been screaming internally the entire time, I’m sure).

‘I’ve heard enough. I don’t want to know anything. Keep me in the dark. I’ll meet him when the time is right but there is no rush.’

‘Would you like to know anything else, dad?’

‘ABSOLUTELY NOT.’

He then went about eating his dinner and I left because it was bloody awkward and I wanted the ground to open and swallow me up.

We haven’t spoken about my relationship since and I’m more than happy to keep it that way. Obviously, I tell my mum everything because she’s cool and a little nosy; we also have that kind of chilled out relationship where I can tell her anything without being judged for it.

Rest assured, there will definitely be a follow up as and when my boyfriend meets my family. We’re all crazy so it should be a very interesting experience!

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 14

Yeah, I thought Episode 13 would be the last one for a while too.

 

Disappointed

As you’re reading this, you probably guessed that my last relationship didn’t work out. There were no hard feelings at the end of it but it was disappointing, to say the least. I did learn some important lessons from it though.

• I didn’t realise until that relationship that finances are very important to me. My significant other needs to earn as much as me or more and they can’t hold back when it comes to spending but at the same time, they shouldn’t waste money. I feel like we fought about money a lot because I’m a generous person and he was rather frugal.

I love money

• I really shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. I can make some compromises but I shouldn’t make so many that I find myself defending my significant other to my friends and family because they think I can do better. It got to the point where I was just tired of defending him after a while.
• I need someone who is really bloody romantic. I want to feel like a queen every damn day I’m with someone. Of course, life gets in the way and they may have their off days, but they better value me.

You better be doing cute stuff like this or you can get lost

• I’m stronger than I think and I keep true to my words. I said I’d leave if things didn’t improve and that’s exactly what I did. I cried for a day, picked myself up and moved on.

I am a queen

I can’t be too harsh on him. He wasn’t ready for a relationship; entering something like that takes a lot of maturity and dedication and I don’t think the timing was right for him. He’s got a lot going on. Also…we were just too different. At first it’s what I really liked, but those differences soon became sources of anger and frustration for me.

So I’m back on the dating scene again! I downloaded all sorts of dating apps all over again but I’ve not had a lot of luck. I guess a lot of men on there can’t handle a woman who knows what she wants and want more than one night. However, it’s not all doom and gloom! I did match with one guy whom I’m getting along quite well with. We both work in media so obviously, we spent the first few messages fangirling over our day jobs. I’m not sure if there’s a spark there as we’ve only conversed via text, but I’ve definitely made a new friend if nothing else.

With help from my best friend (love you!), I did something I never usually do: gave out my number in a club. In all fairness, the guy is really cute and we’ve been messaging, thus proving that sometimes, it really is worthwhile to take a risk.

Always on my phone

I think the biggest news is that I really like one person in particular. I’ve known him for a few months and he’s bloody lovely. Honestly, he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. We get on really well. Does he like me? No idea. I’ve spoken to a few people about it and they all think that, from what I’ve said, he does. I’ve even kept receipts and pulled them up on my phone to show my best friends and they seem to be convinced he does. I don’t know, I guess we’ll have to watch this space!

Me whenever my crush texts me

Other than that, nothing is new. I’m making the most of the summer and going out regularly. I’m loving life at the moment — my new job is fantastic and I have the most incredible team (albeit there are only three of us). I’m doing what I love as my job and I couldn’t be happier.

Another One

At some point, my posts will become more regular, I promise. But life often gets in the way of all of that.

Things have been relatively uneventful. Everything in my life is steady and settled, for once. Stability may seem boring for some but I relish it. Some exciting things have occurred though and some other less exciting but kind of important things have also happened. Here’s a list (I LOVE LISTS).

• I got diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which explains a lot. Well, not a lot, just my adult acne, which has been driving me insane considering I never had acne when I was a teenager. Having PCOS is like having another awkward bout of puberty. Anyway, I wrote an article about it for babe, so I’m going to shamelessly plug it here. (Can we also appreciate my fire selfie that’s been used at the top of the article?)

My selfie is lit

• I had the most amazing time out with my best friend, her boyfriend and my boyfriend last weekend. We drank too much, ate too much and laughed too much and it was fabulous. They’re my people and I love them so much!

We were #squadgoals at the weekend

• I have a new job! It’s in social media. Yes, that’s right. All of the time I spent after work on social media and building a brand for myself has finally paid off! I now feel as though I can legitimately be called the Meme Queen. My boyfriend was previously just calling me it because I not-so-subtly hinted that I love memes (i.e. I kept spamming his FB messages with memes) but now I have earned the privilege of the title…kind of.

This genius gif doesn’t need a caption

• I’m making excellent progress with my book. I’m not writing as much as I would like to because it’s emotionally exhausting. I can’t believe that I’m the same person that wrote all of these diaries and went through all of that. It doesn’t seem remotely real. It feels like a nightmare that someone else lived, not me. It’s been a cathartic exercise though; I feel like that part of my past is well and truly over and I’ll never relapse.

Actual footage of me writing my book

And that’s just about it!

Quickie

I haven’t updated in forever but it’s been hectic. I’ve barely had any spare time at all! This weekend actually marks the first weekend I’ve had without any plans in over a month. I’ve been seeing friends, spending time with my boyfriend and generally been gallivanting every weekend.

Things are actually okay. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years and I’m sure that’s down to having the most incredible friends and an amazing boyfriend. Other parts of my life could be better, but I’m already working on improving those parts of my life. I can’t complain too much as things have been much worse for me even in the recent past.

I’m making fantastic progress at the gym too. I really want to get back in shape and fit back into all my size 6 clothes so I’m going about it in a healthy way. I’m going to the gym around three times a week and adding more vegetables to my diet. If anyone asked what the hardest part is, it’s definitely not the exercising. That’s easy. It’s having to chomp on vegetables. I don’t mind some vegetables but I’m extremely picky!

I spent a whole week down in Exeter recently and it was one of the best weeks of my life! I was shocked at how easily I slipped back into being a student; it was as though I’d never left. It’s nice to know that some things don’t change. Exeter Uni is much the same. It was great to be back in Exeter in general; it’s a beautiful part of the country and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of it. I also had the chance to catch up with some of my dearest friends who are still at the uni and I don’t think I’ve laughed or smiled so much in a very long time! Also, I love driving to and from Exeter. Long distance driving is a lot of fun, especially when you have a playlist that’s lit AF.

I also have a new tattoo which is based on traditional henna styles. It took three hours and it’s extremely intricate but it looks lovely. I had it done on my right forearm, which as some of you know has some significance for me. I used to self harm there and I finally feel as though that part of my life is behind me now. I feel happy. Well okay, I still have my awful days and my depression seems to be a life-long thing for me, but things are better. I don’t ever feel the need to self harm anymore. I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

Sex and Relationships: 1

Considering I am madly in love and in a healthy, stable relationship, I have decided to start a new column as a replacement for the beloved Dating and Dickpics. So welcome to the new column! Quite simply, this is going to be about sex and relationships. I’m more than happy to take questions or suggestions as to what I should write. You can either leave a question in the comments below the previous post or contact me on Facebook or Twitter if it is easier and I shall write about whatever you have suggested.

The idea for this column actually came from a friend who asked me a question a long time ago. I was going to go on Youtube to address it but writing is my forte so I chose to blog instead. The question? Well, that’s today’s subject.

Can you be a feminist and partake in BDSM?

In one word? Yes.

I understand the argument against it. BDSM is about someone being submissive and someone being dominant, so how can that be fair? Well, if it sexually pleases you, does it matter? So long as everyone involved is consenting and you put safe words in place, discuss what your hard limits are etc., it’s all good. And sometimes that means that, if you’re having hetereosexual sex, a woman will be dominated. But so long as she’s consenting and she wants to be a sub, where’s the harm in that? Sure, it might perpetuate the unhealthy myth that women have sex done to them and it’s something that happens to them but if it’s what they want, they should go for it. Many in the BDSM community argue that it is actually the sub who has all of the power because they can say what they will not do, what’s too much for them and such so in a sense, they dictate what happens, how much of it happens and when it stops. And if you’re with someone who doesn’t respect the rules, you should leave them because if they don’t value your consent and your wishes, they’re being harmful and violating the terms that you consented to. Sex is a two-way thing where everyone should be respected and consent can be removed at any point. So long as the sex is safe and within the limits of what you want to do, I don’t see how it could ever conflict with being a feminist. Personally speaking, both myself and my boyfriend identify as feminists and we don’t see any conflict between our social and political beliefs and our sex lives. We do what we want but in a respectful way with lots of communication. Communication is key to having good BDSM!

Is there anything you would like me to write about? Comment below or go to my Facebook or Twitter!

2016 Wrap

It’s New Years Eve and I’m in a hotel in London with the love of my life. 2016 is almost over; in a few hours we’ll be kissing at midnight and dancing, drunk on both alcohol and excitement about what the next year has to bring. Considering this, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect back on the year.

Bad things:

• Donald Trump. Need I say more?
• Brexit: not as disastrous as it could be but we have yet to see the actual fallout.
• ISIS/terrorism: ISIS and other terrorists claim to he Muslim, but killing innocent people in the name of God is the least Islamic thing you could do. Don’t think for one second these assholes are actual Muslims.
• The government trying to censor porn. Seriously, why? Why is female ejaculation such a taboo? It’s a natural thing. And if it’s legal and the porn is made consensually, what’s the problem?
• Sexism, the patriarchy and misogyny. All are still alive and kicking.
• Transphobia, homophobia, LGBTQ*+-phobia. This has got to stop.
• People are still making jokes at the expense of people with disabilities. It’s the 21st century, STOP.

Good things:

• I have an amazing boyfriend and I’m in love. I was so cynical about love before him. He’s a good friend I’ve known for years and the finest man I have ever had the privilege of being in a relationship with.
• I’ve got a stable, rewarding job.
• Writing a book about anorexia in order to help other people who may be suffering, with a particular focus on mental health in the BAME community.
• My family are all happy and healthy, which is all you can really wish for.
• One of my dear friends moved from The Netherlands to London so we were able to finally meet in person after years of chatting online. So grateful for her friendship and some incredible days out!
• Spending time with my best friend, who never fails to make me smile (and get me drunk). Buying identical skirts in Camden, because we have brilliant swag. Love you.
• Seeing my other best friend happy to be back in Chile. I miss him dearly but I’m super jealous of all of the awesome weather he’s enjoying!

All in all, 2016 has been awful but personally, I have been blessed by some incredible events in my life. I can’t really complain. I’m in love and life finally looks good. It’s the first time in years that I genuinely feel excited about the new year and what it may bring. I hope you all have a great NYE and NYD! I hope 2017 is a fantastic year for you and those you love.

Love,

Millie x

You’re a Mean One, Ms Grinch

It’s that time of year again: Christmas. The older I get, the less I enjoy Christmas. I’ve styled myself as quite the humbug. Sure, I’ll join in the festivities, but Christmas has lost all its sentimental value for me. Here’s my definitive guide to everything that’s wrong with the festive season.

Christmas starts in September, if you’re lucky

As soon as summer is over, people immediately jump onto the Christmas bandwagon. Sometimes, summer isn’t even over before they do it — have you ever watched a shopping channel on TV and seen shit like ‘Christmas in July’? What idiot thought of that?! Halloween hasn’t even passed and the shops are decked out in premature Christmas decorations. People start counting down the days like it’s the bloody be-all and end-all. Turkeys are slaughtered earlier and earlier each year. It’s so enraging that I almost feel like protesting against premature Christmas celebrations. IT’S JUST WRONG.

There’s always a silly argument

Inevitably, you’re stuck with your family for Christmas. Familiarity breeds contempt and before you know it, someone has said something extremely offensive and Christmas Day is ruined. Either that or you argue about exactly how long the turkey should be cooked, even though it comes with clear instructions, and not only have you had a falling out, but the turkey is drier than Gandhi’s flip flop.

You’re perpetually hungover

December shouldn’t be named as such. It should be ‘Hangomber’ because pretty much as soon as the clock strikes midnight on 30th November, you’re drunk until New Year’s Day. Fortunately, I am immune to hangovers so I don’t know how awful they truly are, but I hear they turn you into an extra cast member of The Walking Dead. You still have to show your face at work, no matter how many times you’ve vomited on the journey there. How is that any fun?

Festive sweets and puddings are shit

Here me out on this. I’m not slagging off the good stuff like chocolate. I’m talking about Christmas pudding, Christmas cake and mince pies aka The Unholy Trinity. They basically contain the same ingredients and those ingredients are an abomination to tastebuds nationwide. Who in their right mind would eat dried fruit out of choice? And who decided that all three Christmas sweets needed the exact same ingredients, just cooked in a different way? Fruit should be eaten fresh, juiced or made into alcohol. It should not ever be overcooked and shoved into three separate things that all appear during the same part of the year from which you cannot ever escape. Think about it: you have already encountered all three forms of this dreadful combination of fruit and spice. And you shall many more times before the year is out.

You always get at least one rubbish gift

Despite putting thought and consideration into all of your gifts, some family member gets you something absolutely awful and you have to grin and bear it, pretending it’s what you’ve always wanted, never mind the fact that you want to hurl it as far as you possibly can and then set fire to it. And because they’re family, you can’t exactly disown them. I mean, you could. Don’t think I haven’t had that thought before.

Christmas office parties are a booby trap

Yes, you go and enjoy yourself. But either you get terribly pissed or someone else does and there’s a myriad of embarrassing stories on Monday morning which make you feel mortified. You want to run into the toilets and lock yourself in there until 5pm, frantically untagging yourself from photos where you look shit-faced on Facebook. You know you weren’t the only one who was an absolute wreck but you feel like you may just die of embarrassment.

Brussel sprouts

Literally no one likes these but for some reason, you absolutely have to have them on the dining table as part of your Christmas luncheon. Apparently, Christmas is incomplete without green vegetables that smell like farts which all inevitably end up being thrown away in the bin.

No one ever kisses you under mistletoe

Be honest, do you actually know someone this has happened to?

This is by no means an exhaustive list. I could go on and on about how rubbish Christmas is. New Years Eve is the real festivity to get your claws stuck into. It’s full of optimism, joy and alcohol. Christmas, no matter how ‘perfect’ you may think it is, no matter how much effort and hard work you’ve put into it, is always a disappointment.

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 13

13. Unlucky for some. But as someone with seemingly endless bad luck, I like to think 13 can signify some sort of change.

Well, unfortunately, there’s no change here. I was recently at work on a Wednesday morning, quite happily tapping away on my keyboard and coding paperwork, minding my own business and listening to Drake (obviously) when my phone vibrated against the cool, hard wooden desk I’d placed it on. I figured it was one of my friends trying to arrange plans for the weekend so I didn’t hesitate to open it.

It was an anonymous dickpic.

Scarred for life

I’m not entirely sure what’s worse: a dickpic from a man you know or a dickpic from a complete stranger. Both are intolerable in my eyes and both are embarrassing but perhaps more so from the stranger because they are under the false illusion that somehow, their penis is so magnificent and aesthetically pleasing that you will jump on the next tube to their place naked.

I told the dick in question that his actions were repulsive and that I was not interested. I told him the sight of his ghastly manhood made me want to vomit. He proceeded to call me a whore. Right, I’m the whore. You’re the one who sent a picture of your genitals to a stranger, but I’m the whore. I preceded to destroy his logic by telling him that clearly he’s the whore out of the two of us because he’s so desperate for sex that he’s flashing his penis to an anonymous person. He then used some colourful language and after telling him to have a quick one-two pump in his hand because that’s all he could manage, I blocked him.

Lesson? I will always call you out on your bullshit and I will always have the last word if you dare disrespect me.

Queen of Effortless Clapbacks aka me

There was another guy who decided to stumble his fuckboy-ways back into my life. He texted me after months and months of silence. His excuse? He’s ‘choleric’. In case you wondered, he’s talking about one of the Four Temperaments which have been wholeheartedly disproved. This was his oldy-worldy way of saying ‘I’m a fuckboy and I’m only messaging you because I want sex and for some reason, I think that I’m so special you’ll break two and a half years of celibacy for me’.

Any guesses on how I dealt with that?

Did I:

• A: Express my wonder at him texting me again and partake in some polite conversation?
• B: Make it crystal clear that I am looking for something serious, not a party in my pants?
• C: Explain how much of a fuckboy he is, only for him to beg for another chance?
• D: C, but sass him down and block his sorry ass?

The answer is D, because I don’t suffer fools gladly. I was a little shocked that he had bothered to text me but then again, if a fuckboy wants sex, they will magically remember the number of anyone they ever met with a pulse. I don’t think he actually remembered me. He did vaguely describe the night I met him but I really could’ve been any girl he met in any bar in London. He was horny and desperate. I am neither of the two and I have exacting standards.

I’ll call you out if you’re a fuckboy

Remember how earlier on I was talking about how 13 is unlucky for some? It seems that this installment of D&D shows a change in luck, for I was recently with someone who met my exacting standards. We spent some time together and it was absolutely magical. It was, quite simply, the best weekend of my life (and I’m happy to say he also enjoyed it). He’s a good friend of mine and someone I feel extremely comfortable with. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t have to be perfect. My imperfections aren’t a big deal to him. He makes me smile uncontrollably and laugh like a complete goofball. The best bit? I managed to successfully introduce him to my real, true love, Grey’s Anatomy. It’s all very early days but I’m excited and for once, I’m happy. Long may it continue. And although I love all of my readers dearly, I hope this is the last Dating & Dickpics I have to write in a very, very long time.

It wasn’t as cheesy as this but considering I’m a 20-something Bridget Jones, this picture seemed appropriate (note: I am cheesy)

Dating and Dickpics: Episode 12

As you can tell, my quest for love is still ongoing as we are now into our 12th episode of the tales of my tragic love life.

The past month has seen many different changes and dates. I have a new job which I’m looking forward to starting so I’ve been out and about a fair bit before I settle into the routine of the 9-5 life. I’m also writing a book! That’s the most exciting news, really. It’s going to take me a while but I’m chipping away at it every day. I’m actually shocked at the level of self-discipline I have. I mean, I’ve even held off watching Grey’s Anatomy because I dedicate my afternoons to writing, leaving evenings for watching TV.

It seems like I do have a story and it’s getting published

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the same luck in my love life. I gave a guy I dated once a second chance…and he blew it. He contacted me recently after going AWOL for a few months. I told him that yes we had chemistry, but I was still unsure about him because he just disappeared and went radio silent for months. He told me he still liked me and wanted to take me out on a date so I agreed. Everything was fine, even up until the night before. We were talking and he was saying just how much he was looking forward to seeing me the next day.

I woke up the next morning feeling positive. He hadn’t called or texted to say he couldn’t make it so the date was still happening. I picked out my outfit, got ready and headed off to the tube station to hop on the next train to King’s Cross. When I was around 10 minutes away from that tube stop, I texted him saying I was on time and I’d meet him at Covent Garden at 3.30pm like we had agreed.

Then shit hit the fan. He texted me, telling me not to ‘leave home’ when I clearly already had. He said he was still at work. I asked what time he was going to finish — if it was a couple of hours, I could easily kill time in a bar or something. No, he was going to finish at 5pm. I told him I could do some shopping and wait until he was ready, then we could just grab dinner and some drinks. He said no, that we should reschedule and he would be too tired and too moody to go on a date after work.

REALLY?

So let’s get this straight. He knows it takes me an hour to get to King’s Cross. He knew I would leave my house at 2.30pm. He didn’t inform me then that in fact, he couldn’t leave work at 1pm like his boss said he could. He would’ve known by 2.30pm that he was working late and couldn’t make the date. So why didn’t he inform me? I was livid. I’d wasted all that time and make up and he had actually stood me up. I’ve never been stood up in my life. I was so fuming that I was on the verge of tears (I do that annoying angry-cry thing). It was so rude, unacceptable and inconsiderate. I turned around and made my way back home. On my journey, I texted him and told him he shouldn’t dare to contact me again, that he’s a fuckboy and no, we won’t reschedule, because he’s rude and he can go to hell in a handcart. I actually wanted to let go and call him every name under the sun, but I’m too classy for that…somehow.

My mum and brother were super supportive. My brother, who is actually a really chilled out guy, said that he was appalled that I’d been stood up and that he was furious on my behalf. He also said that I should’ve joined him and his wife as they were only a few tube stops away and they would’ve gladly dished out tea and sympathy. However, I knew if I had taken them up on their generous offer, I probably would’ve burst into tears and I really just wanted to go home and get cuddles from my mum instead.

My mum’s hugs are epic

I also went on a couple of dates with another guy, but that didn’t lead anywhere. Well, that was my decision really. I think that having been on so many first dates, I’ve fine-tuned my list of what I want from a guy and that means making tough decisions and not compromising on anything at all. I have high standards and people often remark that because of said high standards, I’ll probably be alone, but I’d rather be alone than settle for someone who makes me compromise on things that I really can’t compromise on. I still hold out some hope that I may find love, but it may take a lot longer than I thought. I could quite easily date someone who isn’t right for me for the sake of it, but that wouldn’t be fair to the other person. It’s better to be single and continue the search.

There is another man on the cards though. It’s all hush-hush at the moment and I won’t be spilling the tea any time soon. I don’t want to jinx it because this may actually have potential, but we’ll have to see what happens in due course.

In other news:

• I’ve already started writing my book. It’s going pretty well, if I do say so myself.
• I’m having a mini-staycation back in Exeter at the end of November (and if any of you are still there, hit me up so we can arrange something). I cannot wait to go back and rediscover my love for that place.
• Unfortunately, there was a huge fire in Exeter which means I won’t be visiting one of my favourite places there because it’s been burnt down to a cinder. At least I’ll always have the memories.
• Reminiscing about Exeter has made me realise just how hard it is to get decent cider in London. I’ll be drinking a lot of cider that weekend.
• I’m working on Halloween so I can’t celebrate it, but I came to the conclusion that if I was celebrating, I’d have dressed up as The Joker.

This is my aesthetic #goals